Self Clearing Diary
ChapterFourteen

'Protest'

Our aim is to inspire others towards enlightenment via self clearing

In the beginning, the free spirit goes out of communication on a selective basis as a matter of free choice. This is the establishment of identity. He imposes some distance and delays and barriers to his communication and perception so that he will not simply be a reflection of everybody else all at once. Initially, these barriers are selective and he shifts them around at will. But they are barriers and as a result, he can be surprised and be presented with things that he was not aware of or prepared for. The early being, before he decays, cannot be harmed or impacted, but he can choose to reject things on an aesthetic basis, finding them undesirable for whatever reason. And so there comes to be a flux of acceptance and rejection and the possibilities of communications being blocked or misunderstood. In the face of having undesirable things pushed at him or having his valued presentations rejected by others, the being may go into protest, objecting to the enforcement or rejection.

If a being's attempts to communicate a protest are blocked, he will create something to convey his protest in a more physical manner that is harder to ignore. And so he creates something and insists that others observe it, and because it is often rejected, he begins to create it compulsively. Protest lies at the root of most compulsions. In theory, you might think that acceptance would solve this, but it is a two way street and half of his protests are due to other's lack of acceptance of his creations rather than his own lack of acceptance of their creations. Therefore, the protest mechanism must be addressed directly.

Although communication barriers are the initial abberative factor in a being's existence, they are not themselves aberrations because they are done by choice. Protests are the first actual aberration (lessening of the beings ability and awareness, in this case because of doing something compulsively). The keynote here is to spot protests and identify what you are creating to communicate those protests, and who should have received and acknowledged the communication. By bringing these into view, you should be able to regain control over things that are being compulsively created. The limitation here is how deep and early can one reach, because many of the compulsive creations are in protest of things that are not only long forgotten but so far out of the sphere of human existence that they are not really comprehensible until one has advanced extremely far. So take this as far as you can at this stage and count on finding more on a second pass through this book.

The Pilot's Self Clearing book - Chapter 14

14.1 Current Protests

 14.1.1a) What are you protesting
14.1.1b) What have you done to communicate that
14.1.1c) Who should acknowledge that

Thursday 25/3/99

R - Eight pages of answers. Phew! Blew some charge on this one! A lot of people/terminals came up on who should acknowledge that but I quickly realised the only source of my protest was of course myself. As various protests lifted off up and down the track I realised that agreement with SOME aberration meant agreement with ALL aberration. You can't say, for example, war in the Lebanon is okay while a war here would be bad. Or for someone to accuse another of being aberrated because they don't want to have sex, while ignoring their own aberrated compulsion to have sex. As I continued the process I realised the basis of my/any protest was postulate versus postulate. Then I saw clearly that the reason `the authorities' in any city cannot control crime, drugs, etc. is because THEY have their own counter postulates against control from earlier times on the whole track. There can never be a resolution of society's `problems' until everyone is cleared. In my own case I was made to agree with the rules (of gravity, for example) and then actively suppressed everyone else into those same agreements.

Anyway, more protests blew off as I continued the process, revealing further gems from my past. One protest for example was being whistled at by a couple of gays on a beach. I mean, I was in the Army, doing martial arts and body-building, hetero to the teeth, I could have killed them! Now twenty years later this process exposes the other side of the coin, that I had whistled at a soldier some years earlier! (Not for any sexual reason, I might add - it was purely for aesthetic reasons. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

At this point I got a whole new angle on my (main) service facsimile. I KNEW I was making people wrong. What I DIDN'T know was I was making them `agree with the rules'. That's how I made/make others wrong, make myself superior, etc. No WONDER I can't disagree with mest. I'd allied myself with it (sixth dynamic) to make others (fourth dynamic) wrong. I did that as a fencing instructor in France before I was guillotined and I'm still doing it this lifetime, and I did it by stopping a lot of others from levitating (much of which came up on the Pilot's Levitation Rundown which I started but haven't completed yet) over a number of earlier lifetimes, which of course just made it a matter of time when I would lose the ability myself. Too many overts.

Next run:

14.1.2a) What about you is another protesting
14.1.2b) What have they done to communicate that
14.1.2c) How could that be acknowledged

Immediately saw that another's protest with me was so strong that they were actually deluded about something and needed to acknowledge that. Then I saw that their protest about me (or anything, really) was generated by themselves, their own postulate versus their own counter postulate. It only APPEARED as though I was opposing them because I was in agreement with their counter postulate. As I continued the process some earlier protests came up. Looking at my overts that caused these protests it became clear that responding to others' behaviour with overts does indeed cave one in. It brings one down to effect on the relevant dynamics. Further, in my own case it looked not like a dwindling spiral but more like a dwindling leap-frog thing. It seems I made huge jumps down scale each time I tried to solve situations with force. And because it often seemed I'd been provoked into using force it became obvious there was a game here and it's still being played today. It targets/provokes anyone in/with authority. The best answer I could come up with on this process is the only way to win such games is to not play them. Certainly such games were and are aberrative and were the cause of my demise.

14.1.3a) What are others protesting
14.1.3b) What have they done to communicate that
14.1.3c) Who should acknowledge that

Friday 26/3/99

R - This third flow brought much clarity into the area and improved my ARC with others as I saw how much we had in common. As I saw how they too were protesting (bad) rules, control, discipline, authority, etc., and what they were doing to communicate that (vandalism, riots, protests, etc.), then the third part of the process (Who should acknowledge that) revealed the futility of them trying to change things `out there'. I saw that the only real acknowledgment would have to come from the seventh and/or eighth dynamic. At this point I realised the eighth dynamic was in fact not a separate entity in itself (as I had assumed). Obviously, I now saw, it must encompass/contain/create? all the other dynamics. Then it occurred to me that perhaps any/all manifestations are in fact the acnowledgment/response from/by the eighth dynamic to our actions/errors on the other dynamics. So that any bad feeling/protest, etc., IS simply the failure to communicate something to the eighth dynamic/god and get it acknowledged there.

Monday 29/3/99

R - Didn't do a process today (but read Creation Of Human Ability on the train going to work. LRH books continue to be invaluable sources of theta/inspiration and really enhance self clearing). Anyway, at work I was wondering how it could be possible that I could at one time (ages ago) levitate and now I could not. A couple of hours later the answer/reason came to me when I suddenly realised how irresponsible I actually am. I suddenly noticed little things I did on a daily basis were actually avoiding or trying to avoid (unnecessary/extra) responsibility. It became obvious these were in fact habits from the past. Some of these things appeared as subtle as using an elevator instead of stairs if one is overweight. But the stunning realisation came when I saw a clear pattern of decreased responsibility right into present time. And just as all this lifetime I had avoided or abandoned certain duties/responsibilities I saw that that's what I must have done with levitation.

Tuesday 30/3/99

Ingrown toenail

R - Had very sore toe from an ingrown toenail so decided to do processes 1.3 (OT touch assist) and 11.5 Healing on it. Various recalls of torture came up on 1.3 which were enlightening/interesting but I knew I needed more help because it remained VERY sore. 11.5 quickly revealed a cylindrical area of black energy. As I confronted this it resolved into a red coloured energy and then into a rusty nail with memories of a very primitive ship's `surgery' where infected toes were lanced to reduce swelling using the same rusty nail, and the rust included the dried blood of other `patients'. As I continued I also saw black triangles of energy and recalled actually creating toenails in protoplasm early on the body track by damming body energy to cause ridges which eventually became toe nails. I figured you couldn't really get more basic than that on an ingrown toenail.

At this point I realised any remaining problem existed only in present time. Then I recalled I had been effect/sick on and off for some weeks and realised it was because of a co-worker. One clue was her response when I mentioned my toe problem a few days earlier. At a tone level of no sympathy she'd recommended having all my toe nails removed just as she had. It now made sense to continue the present process 14.1 What are you protesting with her in mind. This quickly stripped charge/emotion off the area revealing how/why I'd become effect of her and restoring the balance between us.

Thursday 1/4/99

R - Something came up at work which really turned on the protest so did 14.1 on it. Immediately on step b) (What have you done to communicate that) I felt some pressure lift off and I saw protest in terms of energy and flows between terminals, and how valuable another terminal/friend/anybody can be when you JUST WANNA TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT. It doesn't affect THEM when YOU'RE ticked off about something. In fact, it can even make them feel GOOD to see someone else suffering for a change! Then I realised the simplicity and effectiveness of this nice little process and how much easier it now was to deal with protest.

Tuesday 6/4/99

T - Began 14.1.1 Current Protests.  I'm not really protesting anything of any importance e.g. I don't give input to staff meetings (I know work protests have little or no effect).  My protests are usually silent and lacking in force.  I'm too laid back about things.  I realise now that in order to protest one has to communicate that and have it acknowledged.

R - Had a great Easter weekend - and got diary up to date! While reading an LRH book (COHA) on train going to work I suddenly saw CDEINR as the gradient scale of reach and withdraw, the basic action of theta. Then as I read about `certainty' I finally understood what Ron meant about its importance. And I saw that every correct (understood, acknowledged) communication creates more certainty between terminals/people and every bad comm creates uncertainty, bringing terminals down scale, down tone.

During the day I was able to do some processing. Felt I needed to do some more 14.1.1 What are you protesting because still annoyed about inability to levitate self or objects. Step c) Who should acknowledge that led to lots of terminals including all mankind and LRH (who I felt should have provided a rundown for those of us who do want to recover special abilities. Fortunately The Pilot has the Levitation Rundown if I don't achieve results with Self Clearing). Well, with this (current) protest blown I realised I was in a state of doubt concerning the ability. I decided to pursue this and realised certainty processing (get idea you CAN do it/get idea you CAN'T do it) should resolve the doubt so I did that for 12 pages of answers. It ran beautifully bringing more clarity to this area for me. For instance I had an A=A in that I believed having the IDEA of levitating an object meant you had to ACTUALLY move it. (Again I've got more understanding on what a `must have' is) That blew, thankfully. And on page 8 I wrote `mm, feels cleaner now, just idea CAN do it' and then somebody's book fell off a table onto the floor. It was the ONLY thing that moved that day, and it occurred at that exact point. I'd LOVE to claim responsibility but I think it was just coincidence. Then it became real that any such ability was simply a matter of certainty, which I didn't have enough of yet but I know which way to go now. Instead of feeling hopeless on the subject it seems more like a challenge, a game which I'd lost once but can play again. Then I saw I had to move from an infinity of overwhelming counter postulate on the subject to regaining an infinity of my own postulate/certainty. Also I exposed a self-defeating idea/postulate/belief that I had lost THE game and had to wait for everyone else to lose, and then we could/would start another game. Under this rule/agreement I was not allowed to use any abilities I'd had previously. Anyway, as this process is not a part of self clearing I'll leave it there. It is important to note that as with all of the self processing so far, no meter was used and I was completely happy with the results.

Thursday 8/4/99

More implants

R - Became aware of another current protest so did more 14.1.1 on `inability to see with eyes shut'. Doing step a) triggered the early track incident/implant at the bottom of the protest. Step b) blew lots of charge/yawns as I saw how the incident pushed me down the Know to Mystery scale through think/guess instead of look/see and down to mystery where I postulated being dependent/effect on another's viewpoint as a substitute for my own lost knowingness. Step c) revealed how I'd been exterior prior to the incident. I recalled going into the mock-up/implant in order to experience it. It was the EXACT same feeling/thought I had when I first played crazy golf this lifetime - `This looks interesting, I think I'll go try/experience it'. The effect of this implant in present time is to make me go effect of ANY other terminal/viewpoint to some degree, and contributed to making me agree. I saw now why I struggled so much to `convince' others of things, etc. Also it made me postulate needing a terminal for a viewpoint (needing bodies) and created the idea of looking up to others (worshipping bodies). Continuing step c) I realised I should acknowledge this and suddenly saw the absolute brilliance/cleverness/effectiveness of the implant for bringing a being down scale. I saw how it created a one-way flow to overwhelm with false significance, exactly per the definition of implant. Also saw the CDEINR scale at work as I was trapped by my own craving/desire for experience. God knows how many more implants there are. I've dealt with dozens over the years. It's obvious it was done for keeps. It's been a one-way trip to where we are now.

An earlier similar protest brought to my attention (again!) the pole trap incident. With this process I saw how I'd mocked up a `personality' of agreeableness when `rescued' from the implant. As more charge came off I saw the `basic' protest is the fact of getting stuck with a flow, unable to return/outflow it. Then I realised another reason we can't waste bodies/terminals is because we need them to return all our flows/charge to (do you know anyone who DOESN'T like to talk?). Of course ANOTHER workable way to run off charge is exactly what T and I are doing here with self clearing, just write it down on paper. Certainly T and myself use each other to flow charge off to, but that's a bonus. Pen and paper does work by returning the flow (via words) back into the mest universe. At this point I became aware of another current protest, so here we go again...

Interrogation Implant

Ran 14.1.1 on my protest of a poor ability to recall people's names. Immediately ran into an incident I'd come across previously but not fully dealt with (obviously). Until now I knew it as an incident where I was a free being (not in a body) captured by a Marcabian space ship and interrogated to reveal the names of the other `rebels'. This time, running the protest of being made to betray friends/teammates I discovered FAR more. As I viewed the incident this time the ACTUAL purpose of it suddenly became clear. I saw that it was designed to make me postulate that names/identities were important/valuable. This was in fact an implant occurring shortly after the pole trap incident where I was first captured. I was now no longer a free thetan; I was now trapped in a body. As I recall, although I revealed no names my captors allowed me to join their side. Now I realise it was because the implant was complete, not because my captors were generous and forgiving. I had been recruited to their side. It then occurred to me this implant has been dramatised ever since, in any war scenario in real life and in the movies. This implant is the basic basic on all interrogations. Certainly when I first ran this incident the idea of a group of us attacking the installation was VERY real. (Very Star Wars except it was thetans versus bodies/ship/theta traps). Anyway, it certainly explains to me why I `joined' the group I've always thought of as Marcab. I was waiting for an opportunity to help overthrow them. (I'm still waiting.)

Treating the above as an earlier similar protest of a poor ability to recall people's names revealed even MORE . Step b) revealed what I'd done to communicate the protest. Responding to the incident/implant (I now realise as I write this up) was a big turning point for me as a spiritual being. As a free being I had never needed to withhold anything. Now (to protect my comrades) I had to hide/withhold/suppress my knowledge of them. I had to now begin lying and storing charge (creating an engram). This was sacrifice big time but I saw no other option. I denied knowingness of the rebel attack plan. To do this effectively/honestly I actually postulated/created the inability to recall data such as names and durations (times). Each question caused me to counter-create an inability so as not to answer it. The problem was I was now in communication with my captors (albeit enforced) , sharing a common reality (in a body, on a ship), in the same space (same room). This was my new ARC and finally the only thing I could do was put everything (my old reality) IN THE PAST. I recall actually placing in the past (creating a time track for myself) data I was quite aware of in the present such as the `rebel attack'. Then I realised that fixing their identities/mock-ups `in the past' was actually an overt causing ME to have a fixed identity/mock-up. (This is not easy to get one's wits around). So I was now `the one who....' type of thing. I now had a fixed identity, mocked myself up, and so could be allowed to join the crew. Consequently, I realised, I'm automatically suppressing everyone into an identity. A lot of minor cognitions followed.

Then I suddenly realised I had in fact done the same thing to others. I recalled doing it (in an earlier cycle of time where I was the bad guy) to one particular individual and being in glee, laughing because the implant was such a clever trick. It actually caused beings to sabotage their own minds/abilities/potentials. Although I only recalled this one incident I wonder how many memories I've actually helped destroy like this. I also wonder how many of those early track incidents I recall are actually implants.

• (WOW, just stumbled across this gem in the Tech Dict -
  
  BARRIER, 1. something which an individual cannot communicate beyond. (Dn 55.1, p 126)
  2. space, energy, matter and time - each is only a barrier to knowingness. A barrier is a barrier only in that it impedes knowingness. (COHA, p 151)
  3. from Scientology Axiom 28: Barriers consist of Space, Interpositions (such as walls and screens of fast-moving particles) and Time. (COHA, p 18)

  THAT sums up what the Interrogation Implant made me do - create barriers to impede my knowingness.)

T -  Did 14.1.2 What about you is another protesting.  The only person I could find who protests about me is R, especially my dress sense,  physical fitness and motivation about Clearing.  He uses a sneaky tactic of giving me a compliment followed by criticism e.g. you're doing this well but how about doing it this way.  I know he's right, especially about my input to this diary, which is sadly lacking in many respects.

Friday 9/4/99

R - Travelling to work by train this morning I discussed results of yesterday's processing with T (10 pages of process 14.1 protesting a poor memory for names - an identity computation was exposed resolving an implant causing me to postulate identity for self and others).  I'd viewed the incident numerous times but not resolved it, failing to recognise it as an implant.  Yesterday I finally unmocked it and now think of it as the Interrogation Implant.  It was designed to make one postulate that names/identities are valuable and to withhold/hide them, thus creating a scarcity.  This caused the computation/assumption that I was my body/identity.  I thus saw where my `poor memory for names' was coming from.  Continuing the process I recalled running the interrogation implant on another.  There was glee/satisfaction with the ability to cause such a powerful effect, and amazement at how clever, brilliant, effective and foolproof the implant was.

Today, I recalled a long-term disagreement with LRH's data on the theta pole trap.  I could never accept there was a body/mock-up as well as a pole.  I could only ever recall perceiving the pole.  As I sat on the train at long last the puzzle resolved.  The pole trap had been so effective I had BECOME the `body' part of it (and have been in that `valence' ever since).  To unmock/as-is the incident I would literally be unmocking `myself'.  The interrogation implant occurring so soon after the pole trap acted to re-enforce the reality of the whole delusion that I was an identity and a body.  The whole thing has not blown/resolved yet, (probably I've yet to recall doing it to others, and I've no recall on the `goals' LRH mentions) but certainly this chapter has allowed me to remove sufficient protest to make significant inroads into an area that has hung fire for almost 15 years.

T -  Did 14.1.3 What are others protesting.  I looked at the areas of other staff at my work, NATO and Kosovo, protesting each other, my brother, victims, a lady who spoke to me at the train station and a young lad who lives in my street.  I was happy with looking at these different areas especially the last one, as the young lad is protesting society, which we all do to some degree (e.g. why did Joe Bloggs win Lotto when I should have?)

Monday 12/4/99

R - Another protest so did more 14.1.1 this time on an a recurrent `lack of certainty'. I feel I rely on other terminals too much (books, gurus, other viewpoints, etc.) whereas I know the rehabilitation of my universe/abilities etc. depends on my own certainty. I immediately suspected some implant mechanism that creates a negative for each positive I try to put there, or vice versa. And then I spotted that I am actually TOO optimistic and that therefore a large part of my `personality' may actually be artificial. I mean, I know I don't really confront the heavy duty/evil stuff and therefore may not be fully viewing everything in many incidents. As I continued running this protest I gained further understanding of how electronic implants define and limit us and how we cling to them (any thing is better than no thing, etc.). I mean what thetan floating around a vast boring black space for eternity is NOT going to be curious about some interesting looking creation just sitting there? I saw that any implant will automatically define a being within its created terms (plus and minus polarities, size, etc.). For example if a being was, say, 100 feet tall and squeezes itself into a 50 foot implant installation and gets zapped, then he is not likely to come out of it 100 feet tall. Such revelations led me to postulate there is life beyond implants, that they're not solutions to our entrapment but certainly impediments on the way to freedom. They are definitely agreements all humans hold in common. It is a cosmic tragedy that most humans will never learn about this material. It is a classic case of `Out of sight, out of mind', though the solution is right under their noses, readily (and freely) available on the internet in the form of self clearing and such. I also saw implants as a reason why my mind keeps `re-setting' itself, an experience much like losing one's page in a book. I also saw that `limits' were mechanisms to divorce us from the 8th dynamic (infinity) so as to have games, be/do,have, etc.  And I saw I had problems with implants done to me because I had protested them (making them stick), whereas I'd forgotten the implanting I'd done to others because I'd admired that (which made it `go away'). Finally (phew) I saw that my implanting of others (oh, so long ago) caused the destruction of the certainty of other beings, finally resulting (today) in my own `lack of certainty'.

R - With 14.1.2 What about you is another protesting I was able to get and idea of what I'd done to others. I immediately understood that if I was THEM then I wouldn't trust ME. Then I saw that others are basically protesting change because they've changed for the worse so often. This led to suspecting that existence itself is a protest, the result/accumulation of all our previous protests.

R - 14.2.1 What are you protesting about the body led to further reality/recall of an earlier synthetic body that was virtually indestructible, strong, maintenance free (and could fly). But the downside and protest of that body was it wasn't `alive' (which led to supporting an operation to bring meat bodies to this sector for all of us) plus it was associated with a particular function/occupation which I of course was `stuck' with until I could dispose of the body. Basically I realised I must have protested each body at some point. As I write this I now see that the outpoint behind all this protest is needing a body in the first place - it is at -4 on the tone scale after all. We have really hit the lower levels of the CDEINR scale.

14.2  Past Protests

 If the answer to the first question in each set is "nothing", then skip it and go on to the next set. Each set is run as follows:

a) spot the protest
b) what did you create to protest that?
c) who should have acknowledged it?

And then look for an earlier similar protest, including past life protests. If there is none apparent, then spot another protest in the same area. For example, on "What have you protested about your body", you would then look for an earlier similar protest which might also be about your current body or a body that you had in an earlier life. If you can't spot any, then look for another protest about your body or about bodies that you have had in earlier lives. If there is something on a topic (such as your body), then continue running protests in that area (earlier similar etc.) until you feel good about the area.

T - I have protested the freckles covering my body, which I have tried to conceal .  My mother and father should have protected me when I was growing up and kept me out of the sun (my brothers barely had/have freckles).  It is also their genetics that brought about my skin type.  About my family I have protested that my mother is on medication, that my father was an alcoholic, my older brother is a suppressive arsehole and my younger brother is a lost cause (they're not the Brady Bunch).  I tried to confront Mum about her medication, but it got out of control.  With Dad I became the opposite and I wouldn't touch alcohol while he was still alive (although I like an occasional beer now).  With my older brother I created a build up of anger and charge over the years which eventually came out.  With my younger brother I got my parents' agreement/reality that he had problems (e.g. in debt, smoked dope, owed me money).  I remembered a funny incident from my childhood.  My mother used to have a book on hyperactivity in children.  She diagnosed my brothers as being hyperactive.  I felt left out and considered that they were "normal" because they were hyperactive.  Now I think the book she should have referred to was one on autism.

I realised that R's mother is protesting everything (dog barking, walking up a hill, bees, mice, swearing on TV, motorbike noise, fridge not big enough, weather too hot or too cold, taste of different foods, back problems, her husband's eyesight, R's scio stuff, the way her grandchildren are being raised, having to gamble, bird poo on fence (whew, that's three months worth!).  This was communicated by nagging, constant verbal communication even whilst others were communicating.  She tried to make it more important than other people's protests, even ignoring others' protests (e.g. my complaint about berries falling off the tree and waking me as they hit the screen door).  We didn't acknowledge her protests properly.
R used *reverse psychology (e.g. How can there possibly be a solution to that problem?)  R's mother is at no responsibility/constant blame/inability to confront.   The protests are not being made to the right person or thing (e.g. using a dog whistle instead of confronting the dog owner and/or local council).  I realised this is wasted protest on the havingness scale.  I can see how this scale comes into play.  Create is at the top and then there is a drop down to waste.  Created could be where you have a protest which you don't outline and keep silent, expecting someone else to protest.  The protest is created for you.

*R - I prefer Hubbard's term of reverse flows rather than reverse psychology.

Wednesday 14/4/99

14.2  Past protests continued

T - I covered past protests about my work;  management doesn't respond to difficulties effectively.  I created energy and attempted to become cause over it by voicing my concerns.  With society I have protested its obsession with perfection and beauty and personally have created the opposite (daggy hair and clothes).  I remembered when I was at school Mum and Dad didn't have much money so I wore hand me downs and was teased by other school kids.  Now I can afford new stuff but still stick to cheap daggy stuff.  With living things I have protested that I have to walk past a dog on the loose to get home of an evening.  At least I have created a better attitude towards the problem in order to confront it (i.e. me versus it and I'm not going to lose).  The council have acknowledged the problem, although on the surface do not appear to want to help.  I have had a problem with dogs before (a neighbour's dog barking up to 11pm keeping me awake) and that problem was solved with the owner apologising to all neighbours and keeping the dogs inside of a night.  About the physical universe I protested when a machine broke down which I needed at work and which caused a lot of embarrassment.  This should have been acknowledged by the technician who made the error, however he had a major communication problem.  I could not think of past protests about spirits.

About God or religion, I protested that Catholicism was a big guilt trip.  I was in the Catholic Church for
21 years and for that time I was very depressed, which is probably why I have been all my life.  I created enough intestinal fortitude to tell my mother that I didn't want to go to church anymore.  She didn't force me to go, then my brothers stopped going.  Discovered that I probably went to church about 1,000 times.  A constant weekly reminder that I was a sinner, had to repent, do the right thing, not tell lies, confess my sins.  I realised that I usually get upset because I feel I have done the wrong thing.

14.3  Acknowledgment

Protest tends to persist because of lack of acknowledgment. So let's approach this from the other side.

a) What condition have you failed to acknowledge
b) What condition has another failed to acknowledge
c) What condition have others failed to acknowledge

T - Came up with some interesting failures on acknowledgment, including my father's initial demise (leading to grief), R's mother's protests as above (protests persist), management not addressing difficulties (staff protests persist).  I remembered the pre-havingness scale.  There is protest and failed protest.  Without acknowledgment there will be a failed protest.  I can see even more clearly how important the acknowledgment is.

Thursday 15/4/99

R - Felt another protest coming on, so did more 14.1.1. protesting fact of not having power over mest in order to have more power over others Actually, just discovering this protest made me realise it was in fact ser fac related. That immediately led to realising ALL of my `self-improvement' was in fact ser fac related! In the sense that ANY improvement makes one better/stronger/more able in relation to others. (Actually, as I write this (18/4/99) I see this may even stem from Incident 1 goals as covered by the Pilot in ch 23). Then I saw earlier similar protests, particularly a career as a `messenger' where I realized I had delivered lots of suppressive/upsetting messages/orders on behalf of the then earth sector commander. I hadn't taken responsibility for it as I was `just the messenger'. Now I see that whole cycle as the reason why despite protest I now have to agree with bad news coming my way in this life.

About this point the second step of the protest process (What have you done to communicate that) clarified to the point where I now saw how any doingness stemmed from a previous protest! I'm doing my best not to big note myself but I now saw my `messenger' role actually became a well-known symbol to earth people at that time, actually a protest symbol. Anyway, I'll reveal more about that when I've recovered some more ability in that area. Then finally I saw how we've all been swept along by the tide of agreement since the beginning to where we are today. And I saw again how the physical body is a trap in that it has continuous existence so one is stuck with it until the end `till death us do part', a postulate/agreement dramatised in marriage vows to another (body).

14.4  Acceptance

a) What protest of another's could you accept
b) What protest of yours could another accept
c) What protest of another's could others accept

T - I feel I am pretty accepting of others' protests.  I realised people could accept my protests if they are non-controversial and similar to their own.

Friday 16/4/99

R - Didn't have opportunity to do much today, though did some double terminal processing on the train (see process 41.8) this morning which brought insight into some chest pains which had woken me the previous night. Running the positive `Yes, there is a heart condition' and the negative `No, there is no heart condition' resolved to an earlier similar incident of `losing' a girlfriend when I was quite young. The pain I developed (created?) in my chest/heart was so strong and so real I knew this was love beyond anything my parents or anybody could understand. This clarified any uncertainty about my `heart condition'.

Anyway, later I looked up further info on implants (because they keep coming up - pole trap and interrogation implant particularly - and not fully resolving). I found answers in the Pilot's reference to implants (chapter 34) and entry into this universe (chapter 35). Not questioning the validity of the data, particularly as it differs so much from `standard' LRH data, and also seemed pretty far-fetched, I decided to follow the Pilot's recommendations and just look to see if I had indeed been involved in some of the relevant activities. Without running any process, I simply wondered if I had been involved in `pushing down into a pool of some kind', (at transfer points from the magic universe). A short time later I had the following realisations.

I suddenly recalled a huge this life-time trauma when I was pushed and held under the water by a bigger boy for no apparent reason. Although I could swim well at that time I was not prepared, had not taken a breath, and his intention was to punish me for `ignoring his mother' who apparently had said hello to me. I had poor eyesight (still do) and didn't see her. This action completely destroyed the friendship I thought we had. Anyway, the point is I realised the earlier similar was indeed the Incident 1 stuff.

An earlier this life-time trauma was being thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool with no warning by my father who'd decided that was the way to teach me to swim. Further, in many years of processing I have not come across any previous lifetime drownings that would account for the charge in these incidents. Relating them to Incident 1 finally makes sense.

Since reading about a remedy for static electricity shocks I always `touch wood' (usually the door itself) before touching the metal knob or handle and I no longer suffer with this problem. As I performed this ritual today I suddenly saw it could indeed have its origins back in the Magic Universe, not as some hocus-pocus but a very practical `magic' for discharging potentially harmful actual electrical energy build-up. The same could explain why `hugging trees' is supposed to make one `feel better'.

Felt marvellous all day, enthused to T about the `magic universe' on the train on the way home. She said things were going great with her too, and held her hand high in the air saying she felt she was `up there somewhere', had been up/happy for weeks, was enjoying her self clearing and really noticing the differences between herself and others, etc. - but SHE should be putting all this in OUR diary. She has seen the recent data showing we've had over 1,000 hits this month and I keep trying to get her to put more stuff in writing. After some chores and exercises (100 sit-ups for me, 40 for T, then pull-ups, step-ups and hand-stand push-ups - T said I wanted to be like Jackie Chan because he can do hand-stand push-ups) we had a few beers which got us even higher than we were, enjoyed watching TV, then off to bed.

Anyway, 3.30am and I wake up and don't stop cogniting for about an hour. It really ticks me off, what with my usual snoring and tossing and turning I don't feel I get enough sleep! Anyway, I realized I had been quite `stuck' in the current physical universe, especially in early track space opera stuff. That's why the implants kept coming up but not resolving. Now as I lay there in bed I really got that the `earlier similar' for me was the magic universe. I had known about it since first reading the Pilot's stuff but it was never real. Now suddenly I got the REALITY of it and so many things started to make sense and fall into place. I now knew why David Bowie's Labyrinth had such an impact on me, not to mention the Merlin and Arthur stuff, Lord of the Rings, and so much more. Various incidents from the past now seemed to fit better. I also saw the real basis of the argument about the difference between science fiction and fantasy.

Tuesday 20/4/99

R - Had the day off work so T and I went and saw The Matrix. We didn't expect it to be THAT good! It is an almost perfect analogy for what we're trying to achieve with Self Clearing. What isn't there to appreciate and understand about this film? Unless of course you don't know about bodies in pawn, implanting, robot bodies, slave societies, prison planets, etc.

Wednesday 21/4/99

R - On train this morning going to work, reading COHA (Creation Of Human Ability), where Ron recommends NOT doing double terminal processing on `doubt' because `it can throw the pc into a general state of doubt'. However, as the process had always indicated to me and as I decided I had a problem with doubt anyway (see 6/4/99 earlier) I went ahead with it. Results were immediately rewarding:

* Recalled `discussions' with a co-worker who chronically expressed doubt about my `opinions'.
* Recalled a moment of doubt concerning a previous (synthetic) body I've been kind of stuck in.
* Recalled childhood photograph of self looking `stupid' and saw it was actually doubt caused by parent's arguments with one being chronically positive (father), the other negative (mother). (They're EXACTLY the same today!)
* Recalled self being `numbed' or fixed into an almost solid state of doubt as a result of implanting. (A similar state often occurs while watching TV).
* Experienced nice flashes of certainty during the process.
* Looking around at people on the train it became real that we've been reduced from god-like, knowing beings to crippled, un-knowing beings due to our past (implants, etc.).
* At this point the doubt terminals I was mocking-up began to dissolve. I realised MEST (mental and physical universe) was itself solidified doubt/maybe, a result therefore of opposed certainties, a ridge (as LRH said).

Had some nice wins doing double terminal processing on various things in the last week or so. Today went well. Doing the process develops and increases the ability to create and handle terminals, flows and energy. Seeing my mock-up begin to dissolve (above) I decided to continue processing `doubt' to a deeper level at a later time.

Later (at work) did more 14.2.1 What have you protested about your body because still had quite a few protests on it, but I just wrote them all down till I got THE protest, which was the fact of having merged with it/become the terminal. Running step b) I realised I'd withdrawn from physical universe space because it had become too dangerous (lasers, implants, etc.). I was definitely not welcome there. The/a body was the safest place to be - absurd when you think about it, but here we are! I also saw I'd stored in the past anything I couldn't confront in the present (lasers, implants, engrams, etc.). I realised that, obviously, ANYTHING `in the past' is only there because it wasn't confronted, or isn't being confronted, and that I was withholding my entire past history/track. It had to go somewhere and so now I have a bank/case. Finally I saw that the body is a mest terminal anchoring thought/timetrack. The FIRST body or earliest terminal would be the key to a complete clearing.

14.5  Compulsions

Compulsive behavior is usually started in protest of something. The actual protest may have begun in an earlier life, so that you have to use a loose sort of question along the lines of "what might you protest with that?". This lets you bring up odd answers that don't fit your current lifetime but which might actually be the correct answer in the lifetime in which you created the protest. Very strange answers can show up on this process.

Once a compulsion starts, the being will accumulate other mental charge on it in addition to the original protest, so don't be disappointed if the compulsion doesn't magically disappear completely on spotting the protest. But the compulsion will be weakened considerably and you should find that you have much more free choice than you did before. And the later weight that has built up on it will have a tendency to unravel as time passes. For this process, you spot a compulsion and then run the following on it, over and over until a major release occurs.

a) What might you protest with that?
b) What would be the communication there?
c) Who should acknowledge that?

T - Started spotting my compulsions.  I have a compulsion to keep benchtops tidy, to label my slight injuries as major illnesses (e.g. rashes), to pull out my hair, to be always right and to keep sweets from my mother.  I have dealt with each of these fairly well, however have not had any major wins thus far and will continue the process.

Thursday 22/4/99

R - There's a liability with this chapter in that as protest lifts off an area of life one sees how another process will handle something that comes into view. It requires discipline to stay with the original process so I'll make sure I do that.

Okay, yesterday I realised my FIRST body would need to be addressed - okay, let's look at THAT as an earlier similar 14.2.1 protest and see where it goes. Well, my first thought was I couldn't expect to recall that far back on the track, and then suddenly I got the image of Xenu (see Ch 38) - the LAST thing I could have imagined, or wanted to see! Then I saw that he was the negative/bad body or terminal to the positive/good static/thetan or terminal, and I got the idea he was the first thing I experienced/saw upon entry to THIS universe. I got the idea I/we resisted becoming him/it and of course that which you resist you become. I've got NO idea how this fits into the scheme of things but that's what I got. And I got that he was in charge of this universe and we all were influenced by him upon entry to it, and that's why we're not nice to each other. Viewing the OTIII data I had assumed anyone suppressed by the big bad guy would go into the valence of the big bad guy. But I didn't expect this.

I decided there must be earlier similar protests and got the idea of being tricked into mocking up a body in order to operate in certain universes, and tricked into having a persisting/continuing body, etc.  And then I recalled postulating/deciding it would be easier/better to have a body you didn't have to keep mocking-up all the time.  Another protest of a body pain led to realising I automatically blamed the body for pains/somatics and that ALL somatics were in fact MY domain, or SHOULD be.  Earlier similar protests led to recalls of keeping on going despite painful/destructive attacks.  The idea was it was okay to sacrifice in order to win the game/fight etc., to persist, down through pain, and/or easier to continue than drop the body and pick up another one, etc. May have only `graduated' when `learned' to stay with the one body, learned to inflow/accept/agree with force.

Running another `body' protest I realised EVERY overt makes the trap worse for ALL. (Hell, this whole universe could simply be the accumulation of all overts since the first one of not as-ising something).

Another `body' protest was my embarrassment as a boy at having `breasts'.  I even went to a doctor about my problem and he helpfully showed me pictures of Islander-type men popular for actually breast-feeding children. The process led back to an image of a small girl which had come up earlier while doing a double terminal process.  She is kneeling and holding her two hands out, with forefingers about shoulder-width apart. The `message' is simply that two terminals/things must always be separated by the barrier of distance/space. This gave me the idea I could not be (or have) her.  Accepting that, then in the `next' scene the girl is growing/ developing.  I haven't figured it ALL out yet but I eventually realised it was a very clever, very subtle implant with MANY repercussions.  Having been female in a number of past lives (e.g. once as a priestess in the temple of the Greek god Hypnos) I saw the implant prepares one somewhat for the changes that occur with a female body.  But for a `male' it can create a must have/can't have on girls, breasts, etc. The implant is `protected' with aesthetics.  As a free being I had destroyed space ships and troopers simply because they were in my `space' (exactly as portrayed in Star Trek's `Q' episodes, only I wasn't as intelligent) .  But I saw no reason to destroy a small, harmless, pretty, interesting, mock-up.  So I accepted the mock-up/implant.  Having accepted the first part I naturally had to accept the next part with its  messages of `breasts grow'.  THIS is what had restimulated when I was a boy.  And possibly it fails to `work' for girls who are `flat-chested'.  Interestingly today's breast improvements consist of the more physical solutions of silicon or saline, but they're also called implants.  Finally I got the idea I must have volunteered for such (meat body) implanting so as to be in agreement with beings playing such (meat body) game/s.

I now realised ALL these implants involved only two terminals - me and it/them!  There was no one else around to explain things or help discharge and energies I got stuck with!  It was me versus (protesting) mest and I lost and here I am.  Also I was already in `agreement' with others' creations/mock-ups so the earlier similar would be an incident I've viewed previously (and mentioned earlier) where I first failed to admire another's creation, thus causing it to persist and HIM to protest against me.  Also I recalled being in a `space patrol' where I protested  others' rubbish and decided I was not responsible for their rubbish/mest, obviously a  further reduction of responsibility on my part.  Another result was I was becoming motivated by mest instead of being self-determined.  Pursuing earlier similar protests I recalled deciding it was better to be something than nothing.  Also that the best protest is to keep going, survive, endure, persist.  You have to BE there to protest.  Being there and communicating must be the basic protest, and that's what we're all doing, aren't we?  Also I realised Incident One (The Pilot's version) gives lots of possible beingnesses, to keep us going, but no option to not be.  When it suddenly occurred to me the earliest protest must be on the decision `to be' my ears popped.  All protest must go back to that decision, being made to feel it was a wrong decision in the first place.  Everything since seems to conspire to make one accountable for it.  We protest by enforcing our beingness.

Friday 23/4/99

R - Further results on train going to work - double terminal process on Can withdraw/Can't withdraw (to balance Can reach/Can't reach done previously) and rehabilitated a basic postulate I've always had that `I can always get out of whatever I get into' .  I realised it is actually simply an expression of the ability to withdraw.  Some associated realisations need writing up, such as exteriorisation is basically the ability to fully withdraw from a body, game, situation, etc. and we've lost control of the ability.

Later, did next process, 14.2.2 What have you protested about your family. Actually, I didn't want to do it to begin with, until I realised this must be because there was `too much charge' on the subject.  Began with spotting an early this lifetime protest at my brother for stealing $10 from mum's purse and buying chocolates with it.  About age 8 the effect on me was a shattering blow.  How could he betray the family unit like that?  What could possibly explain it?  And then I realised there was an earlier similar protest against the family, something I had done and it was much worse. A couple of years earlier dad had brought home two pet mice.  As my younger brother and I sat on the floor by the fire and played with the mice there was a scene with mum determined not to allow `pets in the house'.  So at the tender age of five or six I decided to protest against her.  Looking to my brother for back-up I squeezed `my'  mouse to death.  I saw my brother make the decision to side with me.  He threw his mouse into the fire.  I don't know if he killed it first.  Then I threw mine into the fire.  At the time I thought it was the biggest, best way to make mum wrong.  When mum and dad returned to the lounge they decided the mice had run away.  To this day they have no idea we killed those mice.  However, mum has paid a heavy price for not letting us have the mice, with the aggravation she has suffered since, especially from my brother with his shoplifting, running away from home, lighting fires, etc., So it was an effective long-term protest!  But like any evil enchantment it was a double-edged sword.  What I realised was THAT was what turned my brother against mum, and I was responsible for it.  THAT'S why he did all those things against the family later, and THAT'S why it had such a devastating effect on me.  And ironically while I thought he was `against' me all through my childhood he had always been `with' me because of our joint destructive act. At this point the ridge/hate I've had against my brother most of my life evaporated and I felt a restored affinity for him.  As I continued the process I began to see how this early act against my family had repercussions on all of my future relationships, but I ended off when I felt I was pushing past a big win.  After so many years I feel like I've regained a long-lost brother.

Tuesday 27/4/99

R - On train going to work this morning, did double terminalling of can levitate/can't levitate.  Tried it last
night in bed (after failing to move spoon balanced on glass) but fell asleep.  This morning ran well.  The following occurred but not in this order:
*  Realised loss of abilities was pre-requisite to being in this universe, so must lose them prior to leaving magic Universe
*  Realised Uri Geller was not that high up the possible scale of ability at all, but important as a symbol.
*  Recalled being tied to a tree and shouting I couldn't do it (China?)
*  Image/valence of Geller occurred.
*  Imagined spoon bending into fish shape (as done with balloons today) so, at create on spoon bending?
*  Recalled Buddhist monk scenario (3 of us in meditation, out the bottom.  Ext/int into it on lsd trip). Designed to `fix' agreement that I/we can't do stuff.  Handled one with what/who to a change.

Wednesday 28/4/99

R - Finally moved onto next process, 14.2.3 What have you protested about your jobs, work, etc., which was VERY timely because my day began with a HUGE protest following a staff meeting where I voiced my protest, apparently to no effect.  (BIG win 2 days later, however, as changes in fact were instigated at work so my protest had been effective!).  Anyway, I ran the process and realised it had been ongoing (and would continue to be) only because it had never been acknowledged by management, and when I got some of that charge off I spotted an earlier similar `abuse' by `management' when I was in the army.  And that explained why I turned against the army later on.  I blew so much charge I was ready to sign up again and had to work hard to get my attention back onto the process!  (I then took a break and had the realisation that anything I create is a substitute for knowingness - yet another one of those amazing cognitions that is utterly meaningless to anyone else and totally useless to oneself for all practical purposes.)  The next earlier similar protest was my actual army recruitment cycle where I failed selection as an officer only because of poor eyesight.  The criteria changed only months later but by then I was convinced I was NOT officer material.  Then I spotted another army protest where I'd badly hurt a toe in karate practice.  I was so tough at the time that it was the other guy who went down in agony.  He later recovered with no permanent injury.  When I limped to the army medic he got me to move it, thus proving it wasn't broken, and accused me of malingering.  Twenty years of problems later an x-ray reveals the detached ligament.  However, the overall realisation from this process was that I'd decided communication was not effective enough in life.  Words (of protest) were not effecive enough on people, force was a better solution than reason - that's why I did all those martial arts, weight lifting, body building...

Continuing the process I discovered I HAD been aware of a danger situation before the toe incident but ignored it, invalidated my knowingness, decided to hold my ground under pressure, make the other guy wrong.  Then earlier similars led to seeing how the press gang (Webster's - a group of men who round up other men and force them into naval or military service) traces back to Marcabian implanting and recruiting. With such a back history of military/space service it's a wonder guys don't go psychotic doing military service on earth these days - oh, they do?  Sorry!

Anyway, I discovered that the pole trap incident knocked out my ability to use force. I then HAD to resort to ARC to get along.  I became a pathetic, snivelling wimp, a broken piece in the game, but still in the game.  Then I realised I MUST have done stuff to other beings in order to have gone effect that much.  So I looked at that flow and recalled drawing tanks and UFOs as a boy, and then got an earlier similar recall of designing implant devices back at Marcab central headquarters. Details are vague but I think I protested being stuck in a `desk job' and wanted to experience some action.  Again this beautifully parrallells the movie The Matrix.  At that point I was part of a system (or Matrix) with the sole purpose of enslaving spiritual beings throughout the universe and making them part of the system.  It was THE game and became self perpetuating, or automatic, basically because there was no way to stop it once you were part of it.  Eventually I rebelled and fought against it, but that has only made the sytem more powerful.  It is SO powerful now most do not even suspect its existence. Anyway, most of my protests easily trace back to the space opera implant era.  This time Incident One came up.  I got that I protested the number of different possible roles/beingnesses because naturally I wanted the `best' one.  I had a number of realisations about this implant including that I accepted the mest (scenery, bodies, clothing, etc.) involved.  And finally I got the idea of coming down to it via a `pool' from another universe, just as the Pilot says (in chapter 35).  I got the idea one was expected to adopt an Incident One role in order to play body games, much as one would these days dress for a special dinner or function.

Thursday 29/4/99

R - While attempting telekinesis on a spoon I stopped using effort and got the idea of letting go, withdrawing from the area, and being just prior to the time/mock-up of the glass and spoon.  I then felt I'd actually exteriorised just back of the mest universe, or just prior to it, not sure which. This was followed by mild headaches validating the exteriorisation and requiring rehab of the ext each time.

Friday 30/4/99

R - Continuing COHA on train this a.m. decided to do remedy of havingness (mock up 8 anchor points thus creating space).  Some very interesting results:
* No problem mocking up points (from dots to cannon balls).
* Did it in cubes/rectangles of various sizes.
* Eventually realised WASN'T creating space because was doing it in a/the pre-existing black space which has `always been there' and which I always see when eyes closed!

Next step then would appear to be confronting the actual space that's already there, that's been there all along, probably the actual mest universe space, but of course there could be layers of other universes/spaces.  Headaches continued from yesterday's ext so continued to rehab it throughout the day.  Also noticed I was far more causative at work than usual.

T - I have been involved in training a new person at work and have subsequently taken a break from the self clearing.  However, I have a brief note to add to the diary.  Yesterday I caught the bus to work.  It was a terrible ride.  I had a man sit next to me who took up too much room and tried to read his paper using up half of my space.  I started getting motion sickness on the ride, and when the bus reached my stop I stood to get out.  This man wouldn't let me get past until everyone else had alighted at this stop.  I realised today that he is a misogynist, as today he sat in front of me next to a muscular built man, and his behaviour was quite different.  He was trying to control bodies with me and yet was out of his league with someone of his own size.

Monday 3/5/99

R - Phew, finally onto next process - 14.3 Acknowledgment.  Straight away realised acknowledgment = acceptance because there sure were things I hadn't/couldn't simply acknowledge but had to DO something about them.  Then I saw that I was unable to simply acknowledge non-optimum conditions (or even conditions there were too optimum).  I saw that any condition is the result of inability to acknowledge certain be/do/have.  Feel there's a big win to be had from this process but didn't have time to reach it today.

Tuesday 4/5/99

R -  Did more `creating space' process on train this morning - couple more breakthroughs:
*  Got idea `we' have decayed down from 8 anchor points to just 1.
*  Got idea that thetan could expand, rather than have a space shrink.
*  Began process with eyes shut, addressing own universe, ended with eyes open addressing physical universe, so an improvement of ability there.

Later, continued 14.3 Acknowledgment for 4 pages before getting sleepy.  It finally occurred to me I was overrunning it, ending the dope-off.  Had a lot of `little' cognitions, including a recall of an actual occasion when I agreed to be completely (and only) inside mest.  It was exactly like zipping myself (my body) up in a sleeping bag for the first time this lifetime!  Also it strongly reminded me of a picture of an Egyptian goddess (Nuit) holding up the sky as it related to that particular time and area on earth.  It became real that current existence is in fact an inversion of the original situation, where we naturally operated from outside of mest universe space.  I realised I was/am unable to tolerate (dangerous/powerful) flows against self and a real anxiety turned on.  I saw that we will all continue to be compressed by the physical universe if we don't undo our fixed/losing conditions. Literally crushed to death by mest.

When I noticed my attention was mainly on the 6th dynamic I realised I hadn't actually acknowledged
I was Clear on the 1st dynamic. It was only obvious by comparison, when I saw I was not `Clear' on the 6th, or certainly not OT in that area.  Next, I realised a human being is a substitute for a god/OT and that we are actually degenerating rapidly although man's belief/delusion is that we are `evolving'.  In the game of theta v. mest mankind is proof theta lost.  Matter, energy, space and time rules.  Man exists apparently on only one planet amongst billions of billions and in a tiny area too small to measure against the postulated infinity of space.

Continued on with 14.4 Acceptance and quickly discovered I could accept any protest from others now because I could see it for what it was, understand it wasn't a personal attack, etc, and so could have/accept it.  Also saw that NOT accepting others' protests is/was an overt.  Saw how I was very powerful/OT/outflow before the pole trap, but quite mad and impulsive.  Responding to others' protests about the trap I rushed in to DO something about it, attacking the trap and of course got squashed.  The trap proved to me that (my) protest was ineffective, mest was infinitely powerful, and so on.  Interestingly I didn't lose my willingness to help others, though it was perverted to now helping my captors and abandoning the group of free beings/rebels.  (*Update Fri 14/5/99 - at work I was yelled at by a co-worker, who later gave me a written apology.  At no time did I go effect because I knew I had only pushed a protest button she'd been sitting on)

Wednesday 5/5/99

R - Was looking forward to 14.5 Compulsions because liked the idea of actually resolving something, though I couldn't immediately spot any `compulsions'.  After some deliberation I realised it was part of my make-up to spot/notice errors/faults in others. I had noticed this previously and decided it was a service facsimile or part of one and would get handled eventually.  Meanwhile it would be interesting to see what this process would achieve.  With three pages of answers I discovered some things:
*  Spotting errors in others was a substitute for wanting them to spot mine and help me with mine
*  I'd begun spotting errors in others (meat bodies) when I had a synthetic body (superior, naturally)
*  The overt at the bottom of my `critical'  attitude was a lifetime of making women pregnant.  I was part of the (Marcab?) operation to have sufficient bodies for a huge influx of  beings.  It's obvious to me now that we were all at needing bodies on the scale.  (The Bible records the order as `Go forth and multiply'.)
*  Noticing errors in others in fact was a chronic protest of long duration.
Well, this process was certainly interesting, re-affirming my ambition, a rather high one in human terms, to attain a level where a body is not needed.

Thursday 6/5/99

R - Decided to handle a compulsion to panic (which I seem to have had for ages) with 14.5.  Immediately got a recall of lots of people in panic on the streets of another planet long ago.  We were being wiped out by space craft from other planets in the system.  I see now it was their retaliation/protest of the super control we (Marcab) had on everyone.  I felt I was just a victim, just a part of `the system' and didn't deserve to die because of it.  I decided to quit being part of something which could incur such a kickback and I think that's when I decided to become a `rebel'. Interesting seeing what it took to `change sides'. Also noted the confusion/panic came from losing a stable datum - believing everything was under control when obviously it wasn't. So even the most apparently stable mest universe havingness (body, house, city, planet...) is actually always a liability.

14.6 Chronic Physical Conditions

The same process as given in 14.5 above can also be run on a chronic physical condition. This is good for illnesses and things which should have healed but haven't. It is not always applicable to physical accidents although in some cases the person will have brought about the accident in protest of something.

Once a physical condition has established itself as chronic, it tends to get confirmed by other things (everything from receiving disability checks to using it to gain sympathy). And there are other factors which can trigger or reinforce chronic conditions (we will be covering this in other chapters). But sometimes this protest button might be the key to resolving a condition, so give it a try and get as much as you can out of it.

R - I wanted to see if I could relieve a stomach `reflux' condition which tends to limit my alcohol consumption and/or glutonous tendencies.  The process quickly brought up (excuse the pun) this lifetime earlier similars such as being forced to eat a cough lozenge which nearly made me retch, and gas for an operation which really made me nauseous.  Then some past life stuff came up such as when I had a synthetic body and was showing off my ability to not be affected by `poison' but then I was challenged with acid (which DID cause an effect), and so on.  A funny period which really made me laugh was a cave-man type existence where the woman always gave me meals which caused much protest on my part. Communication was limited to grunts and emotional displays which were strong and violent to get messages across. The meals were always either too hot, too cold, too full of bones, etc.  Of course I was too stupid to wait until a meal cooled down, or check it for bones, and so on.  Then an earlier life as a scientist came up.  My job was to educate `monkeys' in what to eat so as to prepare them for life on a particular planet.  Various objects and foods were made available and if they chose a `good' one I would give them an electrical pleasure stimulation, and if they chose a bar of soap, for example, I would give them a sick feeling. (No wonder I couldn't understand why Pavlov became famous for his experiment - the guy rang a bell each time he fed some dogs until ringing the bell would make the dogs salivate EVEN WHEN THERE WAS NO FOOD!  This was considered a fantastic discovery, a breakthrough in the field of behavioural conditioning!).  Anyway, there seemed to be a direct relationship between making the monkeys sick (overts on stomachs) and my present stomach condition so I ended the process at that point.

What's REALLY frightening is why are we are in a position where we have to painfully re-discover things known ages/eons ago?  And if we lost such knowledge before - and how many times? - then obviously we could lose it again.  Or how many times in ages past have we reached a highly advanced stage of civilisation only to lose it and have to start over again?  Sorry, I'm on my soap box again.  This could develop into another full-blown protest but I'd really like to complete this chapter, so that's all for now. (Update 18/5/99 - definite improvement in my `reflux' condition)

14.7 Basic Protest

At basic, one protests things that one is forced to or prevented from being, doing, or having.

14.7.1 Beingness

Here we are referring to things which a person could be, such as a policeman or a prostitute or a parent etc.

a) What beingness might you protest
b) What beingness could you accept

Monday 10/5/99

R - Three pages of answers to process 14.7.1 Beingness led to realising that Incident 1 restimulates each time I have to do something different, like when a new job/task/role is required.  I know this implant will be dealt with in a later chapter but I'm itching to resolve it sooner than that!  It really made sense to me that because Inc 1 deals with beingnesses or roles that it would be there as a basic on this process.

14.7.2 Doingness

Here we are referring to things that a person might do, such as skiing or stealing or running etc.

a) What doingness might you protest
b) What doingness could you accept

R - Same thing with here, again ended up back at Inc 1 realising that it is a via to winning a/the game, and that `trying' to win validates losing.  I became aware that the communications of others in the room were actually protests, and how much routine communication is in fact actually protest.  Then I realised I had keyed-out of Incident 1 so decided that was a good time to end off for the day.

14.7.3 Havingness

Here we are referring to things that a person might have, such as money or guns or cars.

a) What havingness might you protest
b) What havingness could you accept

Tuesday 11/5/99

R - Process 14.7.3 Havingness blew protests at being captured, imprisoned, etc, which led to realising that being located in the physical universe one becomes part of it (one is either exterior to a problem or part of it).  I experienced `myself' as a piece in a jig-saw puzzle with the mest universe being the puzzle. Continuing the process I realised I had (with the aid of the implanters) reduced MY space to zero ages ago, and KEPT GOING into the minus band.  So that's what inversion is!  And that's how a spirit (non-matter) becomes matter!  I gained further insight/recall into how I had closed terminals with the pole trap, and I saw that rehabilitation of the ability to create space must reverse that mechanism, and cure any identification with mest. I became dopey/sleepy then fixed it by spotting I had overrun the process on going past the jig-saw cognition.

14.7.4 Inhibited Beingness

a) What have you been prevented from being
b) write down any protests you might have about that
c) who should acknowledge that

Thursday 13/5/99

R - With 14.7.4 I saw how much my parents affected me since early childhood and, by comparing how things are today thanks to so much processing, I quickly realised how bad off they really are.  The gulf between myself and humans like them is quite astonishing.

14.7.5 Inhibited Havingness

a) What have you been prevented from having
b) write down any protests you might have about that
c) who should acknowledge that

R - This revealed another load of stuff I was denied, which led to realising I had allowed others to dictate/control what was in fact MY havingness, because others were cause and I was effect.  Of course the same applies to BE and DO, so this process brought home to me the fact that my be/do/have always was my responsibility and that I had lost sight of that, especially during childhood.

Saturday 15/5/99 - Nice Wins

R - Had a friend over to stay and at one stage he, T and myself played frisbee in the garden. While playing  I heard a distinctive bird call and I KNEW what it wanted - it wanted to feed and we were in its space.  The bird's intention and protest at us staying too long were loud and clear to me. (T and I put special seed out to encourage exotic birds to our garden but they are usually shy and wary).  We'd played enough so I suggested we go inside because birds wanted to feed.  Sure enough, as we looked back through the fly screen two beautiful birds swooped down to claim the space and feed.  The cheeky things even had an attitude of `Well, it's about time!'  The nice win here is further enhanced ARC with the fifth dynamic. (T and I had some `amazing' experiences with pet mice last year - It was quite easy to recognise when they wanted something.  But I soon discovered the next level - an ability to know WHAT they wanted, e.g. food, water, bedding, exercise wheel, etc.).

The next win this weekend occurred after buying $250 worth of plants from a local nursery which was closing down.  It was a half-price sale and T and I ended up with two car loads.  I felt guiltily greedy, deciding we were helping rather than taking advantage of the situation.  Anway, that night just prior to sleeping I became aware (telepathically) of something in my `space' that wasn't there before.  I took a (theta) look and perceived a bunch (as in `a bunch of flowers') of ethereal (I hope you're looking these words up - I had to and I'm writing this!) beings, very faint, very frail, but very definitely existing and communicating.  They seemed to have large, round, upturned mouths and were (silently) wailing or grieving (not crying - no eyes as such).  As soon as I formed the thought `What's this?' I realised it was the plants - or the theta-type beings which create what in the physical universe we know as a flower, tree, etc. - and they were lamenting the closure of their `nursery' (they KNEW it was the end of it).

I wanted to immediately wake T and share this with her but she likes her sleep and also she had the flu so I waited till morning.  I KNEW I wouldn't be able to communicate fully the significance of the plant communication.  I've been interested in fairies and folklore since childhood as well as books such as Supernature by Lyall Watson, and following the progress of the Findhorn community which began with a couple growing plants and vegetables (the locals said NOTHING could grow there!) quickly creating an Eden and spiritual oasis.  When asked the secret of their growing record-sized vegetables, or anything at all, the woman said she could see the spirits and talk to them.

Naturally I was being unable to communicate much about it to people at work on Monday (though it never stops me trying to).  One woman tried to explain it away saying it was probably on my mind about the nursery closing down so I IMAGINED the plants being upset and talking to me.  (Yet she would quite happily buy a book called There Are Fairies At The Bottom Of My Garden, or Discover Your Personal Guardian Angel, etc) Another girl explained she was `a Christian' and because the Bible says plants don't have souls then she was not able to believe such a thing, but she enjoyed hearing about it anyway.  (What the Bible DOES say is `Judge not lest ye yourself be judged' but I have yet to meet a Christian who doesn't.) Another girl believed the whole thing but is not interested in self clearing having just joined Jehovah's Witnesses.  Honestly, if aliens wanted to know why mankind should be allowed to continue to exist they'd better not ask me today.

14.8 Communicating protests

a) what protest could you let another tell you
b) what protest could you tell to another
c) what protest could another tell to others

Monday 17/5/99

R - This handled a lot of charge from the protests mentioned in the above paragraph, reminding me how intolerant I was whilst still with the C of S.  Three pages of answers led to realising how ANY group by definition is at odds with other groups or non-group members.  Later I realised of course there is a gradient scale from totally opposed/protested up to full agreement.  For some reaon I then recalled a sensation/experience of being exterior to mest I'd had recently while driving our new car from a local car dealer.  I realised THAT occurred because I'd exteriorised from the GPM/s involved in trying to re-register our old car.  Oh, what a feeling!

14.9 Acceptance

Go to a crowded place. Spot people. For each one, accept them for what they are and mentally acknowledge them for being that.

R - This was a nice way to finish the chapter!.  Had a few realisations.  Realised I hadn't in fact been doing a lot of accepting of others, and then people from my past came to my mind so I just accepted them too, and then I found it was working on objects, things in the physical universe around me - because objects were a mystery to me and captured my attention.  Then I noticed people were starting to look a bit `unreal', like cartoon characters or something out of Alice In Wonderland.  I started to get sleepy after that so I acknowledged that was the high point of the process.  Life is a big joke, after all.

Tuesday 18/5/99

T - I have had influenza since Wednesday night, which doesn't make life easy.  My right ear is blocked and I have lost my ability to taste, only picking up heat or cold, salt or sweet.  Today R offered to give me a touch assist.  I could see he was quite eager to assist me so I said yes.  Before we actually started I realised with R and his gadgets that the reason I don't like him buying them is because I am jealous of his ability to enjoy them, whereas I still don't feel I am consistently happy.  We had a bit of a laugh about that.  The touch assist went well and I felt better as the day progressed.

Summary of Chapter 14

R - Having handled so much protest (which I didn't even know I had) with the processes of this chapter I feel FAR more at cause over ARC.  I mean, in communication with birds and plants, for heaven's sake!  (I'm going to add some more `Findhorn' data as soon as I can find something appropriate from the net) Actually, the REAL skill for me is staying in communication with humans despite what's going on in my personal universe. In fact, it was two years into our relationship that T realised I wasn't like other people, you know - human.  It wasn't that I hid anything from her, it's just that there's such a gulf between the material and the spiritual, and humans have it so back-to-front, they're just so BURIED in it they don't GET what you're saying to them.  It takes a few processes, a few cognitions or/and a couple of severe reality adjustments to get through to them.  And of course any psych would have a field day with the contents of this diary - but they're human too, you see.  Thankfully, being anonymous is the way to avoid possible invalidation!  Anyway, some really nice wins from this chapter - but I've come to expect that!  The important message I want to get across is that ANYONE can do self clearing and EVERYONE should.  It's still unbelievable to me that people are wasting this opportunity to discover something about themselves, or become spiritually aware/free, or however you want to put it.

UPDATE - I've now located the Findhorn website: http//www.findhorn.org/

Meanwhile life continues to improve for T and myself - our relationship, our new house, the new car, exotic birds in the garden, the plants, the new CD Roms (Encarta '99, Britannica, Encylopedia of Birds, etc).  You know, I remember putting everything I could towards processing so that for years I could barely afford a cappucino.  Now, thanks to the Pilot's Self Clearing I'm doing all the processing I've ever wanted - for free!  Now we're looking foward to purchasing our third property and I have three cappucinos every day.  Thanks for sharing our diary with us. 

We wish you well with your own spiritual progress.  Nothing is more important than that.

*NOTE  This diary is continuously under construction.  Often T and myself do not finish a chapter at the same time, nor do we write-up everything on time.  Also links and notes may be added to earlier chapters, corrections, changes and updates made, etc, etc,.  So, don't be surprised if sections of this dairy change from one week to the next.  And now, on to chapter 15.........