Self Clearing Diary
Our aim is to inspire others towards enlightenment via self clearing
When we talk about problems in processing, we are not talking about things that one solves, as in a math problem, but about persistent difficulties which remain fixed and which one can't seem to solve. For example, we are not talking about solving the "problem" of how to pour the concrete foundation for adding a new room to a house. That is something you handle by studying construction or hiring an engineer. Instead, we are talking about problems such as needing to add an extra room but not being able to afford it. In this case there is a conflict, with two things in opposition. The need for a room and the absence of money.
In the sense that we are using here, it is only a true problem if it is a persistent condition that exists because of two things in conflict. If there were only one rather than two things involved, it would carry through to its natural completion. But with two things in opposition to each other, they hang suspended and cause the person's attention to fixate. In theory the person should be able to figure out one side or the other. In our example, he would either figure out an alternative to adding a room or some other solution to his need for extra space or he would figure out a way to make more money or build it more cheaply or whatever. These are the normal mechanics of living life and solving the one sided "problems" which are no more than exercises in how to get things done.
But when two things lock up like this, they become difficult to confront. When the person tries to confront the problem of needing more room, he stirs up his money worries and can't think about it clearly. And when he tries to confront his money troubles, he gets distracted by the worries about needing the extra room. And so the problem persists, continually nagging at him and never really resolving unless some outside force intervenes. And he will become habitual on certain kinds of problems, so that even when a specific situation is solved by gratuitous fortune, he gets the same kind of mess going again as quickly as possible.
Furthermore, all logic and appearances to the contrary, if he has gotten stuck like this you will find that he is himself creating both sides of the problem. He is stuck because he is putting both opposing forces there and holding them in opposition and sitting in the middle between them. That is why he can't think and do something to change the situation. There is more to discuss here, but we should run some processes first.
Most of these processes use "What is the problem?" as the first question. They are generally simple alternating commands where you spot the problem and then spot something about the problem and then spot the problem again etc. You need to keep spotting the problem because it will change and your awareness of it will increase. Also, an earlier problem that underlies the first one may come into view, so don't make a point of continuing to spot the same problem.
The Pilot's Self Clearing book - Chapter 15
(R - Before T begins this chapter I'm insisting she complete chapter 24 Suppression. She's had the flu for two weeks now whereas I got over it in two days. (You can read why in ch 24). I want her to gain a good reality on the relationship between suppression and illness, not only to help her currently but to proof her up for the future.)
*UPDATE Sunday 30/5/99 - Spent all morning doing processes of Ch 24 Suppression on T and she has already written down four pages of results/wins - somewhat of a record for her. So that was a lot of emotional charge handled! So we've BOTH now had excellent results and can verify the effectiveness of chapter 24 in getting on top of the factors causing one to be `sick'.
**UPDATE Saturday 27/1/01 - T - Reviewing this chapter I can't BELIEVE I was sick for two weeks! Because I just don't get sick any more. I did not have the flu at all in the year 2000. I took one sick day off work towards the end of the year. Using Chapter 24 I spotted where the suppression came from and handled what came up. I felt better and was able to move around freely, after spending that morning in bed as I was too weak to walk around.
R - Had a HUGE win before even beginning this chapter on Problems! It happened after reading LRH's book Creation of Human Ability on the train going to work this morning. I'd been reading about the relationship between havingness, winning, the importance of problems in life, etc. You know, if you're living life then you're having problems, and if you're solving them then you're winning, and ALL this `clearing' stuff helps you to solve problems better therefore life is better, etc. Anyway, before work I'm having a healthy McDonald's breakfast (hotcakes & syrup - yum!) and I suddenly recall one of mum's favourite phrases (which I'd heard so often it had become part of me). Actually there were three:
1. `We've got enough problems'
2. `We don't want any more problems'
3. `We've got enough problems of our own'
Then I recalled only ever having one proper birthday party in my life and that was because I made a strong enough fuss (protest - see previous chapter) about it to temporarily override mum's computations about problems above. Even then it was traumatic as mum decided who would come (including someone I `hated'), kept ordering me to do things because `It's your party', and screamed at me because a girl wanted to give me a present (a stamp album) in the next room. I think the girl wanted to kiss me and that's why mum freaked out. I was 11 years old then. I was 19 before I recovered enough to begin confronting girls again. I'm saddened to recall how richer my life, especially my childhood, could have been under different circumstances.
But the BIG win here was spotting (more of) these computations/fixed ideas/stable data I had been running on all this lifetime. It goes a long way to explaining why I've been so dissatisfied with life, etc. Also, it's important to note WHY I had the realisation - my attention is on theta things on a daily basis. (You'd think doing Self Clearing (almost) daily would be enough - especially with having to produce this diary - but it works the other way). The more theta gains/wins you get the more you should want. I was accused of `spiritual greed' by a yoga teacher once but that's not the case. It's a matter of being ABLE to appreciate, being able to HAVE, spiritual/theta things. This stuff is for the ABLE. And if you think there is anything more important then you are either spiritually dying, already dead, certainly disabled in the game of life. But the point again - about reading theta/spiritual (clearing) stuff - is that getting the theta IN forces the entheta OUT. If you're not having cognitions/realisations then you're NOT getting/understanding what you're reading. There will be misunderstood words or fixed ideas (entheta) preventing/outweighing the theta in the LRH books or Pilot's materials or other clearing data you are reading.
This is very simple. Just alternate the two commands, letting the problem shift around or letting an underlying problem come into view as needed.
a) What is the problem
b) What part of that problem could you confront
R - Decided to address `poor eyesight' with this process (I've run too many processes on my myopia to expect a cure, and as the Pilot notes there's no hope of curing someone's eyesight with such processes if it's caused by Incident 1) because it came up on the question and I know there'll be some gains from it. The process quickly allowed me to see that the blurry vision was connected to some big mass of mental pictures and thoughts (GPM stuff? So it COULD be connected with Incident 1) which was/is so solid it's not real I can touch/deal with it (yet). When I realised I had no difficulty confronting some thinkingness and/or effort aspects of this problem (see tone scale) its mass keyed-out and I felt I no longer had the problem of it, so I left this process there and decided to continue to handle `poor eyesight' with the next one also.
15.2 Games and Creation
At basic, we are balancing the nothingness with an infinity of creation. As a person becomes blocked on direct creation, he still continues to add to the richness and variety by playing interesting games. When he can't do that either, he starts creating problems compulsively because that at least gives him some kind of game and creation. By inventing problems or games, the person begins to create causatively and can get off of the stuck compulsive creation that is holding a problem in place. Each of the following 3 processes has two commands that should be alternated.
15.2.1a) What is the problem
15.2.1b) Invent a problem of comparable magnitude
15.2.2a) What is the problem
15.2.2b) Invent something worse than that problem
15.2.3a) What is the problem
15.2.3b) Invent a game that would be more interesting than that problem.
R - Process 15.2.1 ran for three pages, bringing up this lifetime baby recalls which were new to me, and a this life dissection of an eyeball in biology which I already knew about. As I continued I recalled more about a series of lives as a scientist (long ago, not earth) which would not have seemed to be aberrative at first inspection because of how we view scientists. But then as I confronted what I was doing I saw how I had set myself up for a number of problems in subsequent lifetimes. (You may recall in a previous chapter a stomach problem went back to overts on stomachs during this same `scientist' period). This time I saw how I'd helped design/make artificial eyes. A particular problem/overt was an `eye' which did not have automatic focus, so the problem was adjusting it after insertion. Other overts that came to view were exposing optical/retinal tissue to various destructive things. My realisation was this was all, (including the creation of photo-sensitive cells/tissue which hasn't been done on this planet yet, I think) was all very clever but actually an overt, in that it was a substitute for theta perception. (My ears `popped' on this one as something cleared from my space/mind.)
R - With process 15.2.2 I saw that more basic to my eyesight problem was the inability to perceive clearly without a body. I suddenly saw the physical body as a combination hearing aid, viewing aid, feeling aid, walking aid, sexing aid, eating aid, havingness, etc. It is a substitute for a self-created beingness. It is a ready-made terminal, game piece or token. So the problem now became `having to rely on or use a body' (see tone scale - needing bodies). This ran for two pages until the `worse problem' became `Never able to be free'. It then occurred to me this was because my current Incident 1 goal might be `To Be Free' - which I hadn't recognised while reading all the Pilot's data on the incident - because that seemed to make sense. That would explain why I had the purpose this life to investigate `ways out' or `escape routes', and why I had to get out of the Army, various relationships, various jobs, why I got into scio, wanted to astral travel, exteriorise, why I hate feeling`trapped' etc, etc, etc. So I've still got myopia but these various wins/gains are priceless. I've now got a head start on handling Incident 1 when I get to that chapter (ch36). And THAT had better fix up my eyesight!
R - For process 15.2.3 I decided to deal further with an inability to move or touch mest directly (or even perceive it clearly without a body). After two pages of answers again I ended up back at the Incident 1 idea of `Only one will survive' in the sense that I (and most others) failed to survive as thetans. We lost THAT game. I reached my first yawn with the idea that helping others to move mest would be a more interesting game than simply doing it oneself. Finally I saw that the inability to do so arose out of huge ARC breaks with mest directly caused by implants. I decided these would/should be dealt with in later chapters and was content to see I was continuing to make progress in that direction. The win was getting a reality on what was needed to attain such an ability. This diary reflects a fraction of the clearing necessary to achieve it. If a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step then I must be well on the way.
R - Did more 15.2.3 on the problem of not remembering names easily and straightaway recalled being abused by a French aristocrat in front of some women for not remembering his name, title, etc. Actually I didn't know him - it was his clever (but suppressive) way to meet the women (courtesy -`court' behaviour as I cognited a while ago - forbade talking prior to formal introductions and as a fencing master I was able to enforce it). There was a surprising amount of charge on this incident so I immediately looked for a similar thing I had done and found it MUCH earlier - back in my `Messenger' period. I had routinely by-passed any earth hierarchy, approaching assigned terminals directly. I got real upset of course when someone by-passed me. Looking a bit further I realised an earth woman's charge stemmed from owning bodies or protecting bodies (see scale) when I ignored her to talk to her husband, just as I was `protecting' the French ladies so much later in time. Then I saw the pattern go earlier when as a godlike being I'd discriminated against/by-passed all humans, which is why I can experience so much effect from humans now. Comparing that to present time I saw the same mechanism all around me with multiple discriminations against differences in such things as colour, race, gender, income, social group, etc. etc. I also saw my `solution' to being an unwanted effect was to withdraw, become smaller. I don't know if this will `cure' my memory for names but I do feel less alienated from others than before.
At lunch it occurred to me that in theory one could run `invent a game' as a process in order to key-out ALL one's problems. After lunch I began more 15.2.3 on my chronic myopia but ran out of time before obtaining a result. I did recall as a boy inventing a chess game where no pieces were `taken'. This was my solution to the problem of my younger brother always trying to beat me at chess. Actually, as I write this I realise I hated competing as a kid, though I enjoyed being top of the class. I didn't like being defeated and wasn't willing to inflict defeat on others. Mm, as I'm only writing up notes at this point I'll have to examine that area at a later time.
15.3 More on confront
15.3a) what problem could you confront
15.3b) what problem could another confront
15.3c) what problem could others confront
R - Quickly found it easy to write down `could confront ANY problem' then hastily added `in theory' because of course it was quite glib and I continued the process. My second page of answers I wrote `Whatever is not confronted becomes havingness' and recalled mum wouldn't let me have/touch anything (as a baby). I found the one thing I could always `have' was my poor eyesight. (Actually, as I write this, I see it's probably mental masses causing the poor eyesight). I saw how important havingness was to babies because their doingness is so limited and their beingness is so uncertain (they've just lost the last one, remember). It became real I actually had a tight (theta) hold on a grief charge back then because that's all I could get hold of, and then I saw the pattern repeating (locks) through childhood. I saw that any loss or imagined loss (of a toy, pet, girlfriend, etc) prompts a substitution, because anything is better than nothing, and grief is a good, solid something that one can really feel, wallow in, etc. And, what with all the earlier losses (from how many past lives?) that grief can be MORE real and MORE solid, therefore BETTER havingness than the original havingness - and so one is sucked into going/staying down scale, accepting second bests (substitutes), losing, etc.
Taking a break, I recalled soloing OT2 years ago. I had no idea what to expect. At first nothing seemed to be happening so I relaxed and continued the process. Then there began a build-up of `something' as I kept going. Suddenly I was bashed in the head with a house brick. That is EXACTLY how it felt. What came up/turned on nearly blew my head off because it was so `solid'. If I had ANY doubts about whole track, etc, previously then I never would again. Hubbard be praised. The `house brick' then turned into a picture of an elaborate electronic implant installation way out in space. Of course I've been impervious to scoffers ever since. Now I see that `solid' converts to `real'. You know, if you can FEEL something then there must be something there. And vice versa, anyone denying a reality is simply out of comm/touch with that reality. Anyway, the `house brick' was followed by a grief line-charge which lasted an hour. I've felt lighter/cleaner ever since, utterly grateful to LRH without whom, etc. etc., and enjoyed a greatly enhanced ability to `go track'.
So what does all that have to do with the current process? Well, with What could others confront I realised that suppressing the FACT of past lives prevents humans confronting ANYTHING previous to their current life even if they wanted to. (Of course the method of running OT2 (and some other processes) sidesteps this problem brilliantly as it requires NO belief in or even knowledge of `past lives'). I realised all/any current problems are sitting on earlier (past life) problems if they' don't resolve easily. I realised I could confront any thing/problem I could get a handle on, or get into communication with (I proved that on OT2) and that's what I'm busy doing with Self Clearing.
If one has a problem of this sort (two things in conflict), and one "solves" it without confronting or taking apart the source of the conflict, the solution doesn't actually remove the original problem but simply buries it. In our example of needing an extra room (perhaps one now needs a second bedroom for a child) and not having enough money for it, one might "solve" it by borrowing money or even by getting divorced. This in turn becomes a new fixed idea because the solution must be held in place to avoid the original problem. And being fixed in place, it will in turn become a new problem. This is a self perpetuating mechanism which leads to ever more problems Let's do some processes on this.
15.4.1a) What is the problem
15.4.1b) What solutions have you had for that problem
15.4.2a) What problem has another had with you
15.4.2b) What solutions have they had for that problem
15.4.3a) What problem has another had with others
15.4.3b) What solutions have they had for that problem
R - This ran for two pages of answers but didn't get a result yet. Absolutely fascinating seeing how all my solutions became problems requiring further solutions!! For instance, glasses were a solution to poor eyesight but a problem in Tae Kwon Do (they'd fly off when doing spinning kicks), so a temporary solution was slowing down my kicks till I had the solution of contact lenses, which became a problem (to remove e.g. after a few beers), etc, etc. Of course the BEST solution would be resolving the need for glasses in the first place. Anyway, I ran it to a point where I saw my problem was having a case/ time-track and my solution was to wear it, carry it around, preserve it, HAVE it, etc, which of course reduced my beingness. Ran out of time so I'll continue next time.
R - Continuing 15.4.1 for a further six pages of answers it suddenly occurred to me my long-term problem of trying to move mest/objects in fact reflects the Incident 1 goal TO BE GODLIKE (Okay, I cheated by looking ahead to ch 36 some months ago when ENTRY INTO THIS UNIVERSE caught my eye - I'm that kind of a guy. Incidentally, I've had recall of Merlin and Arthur incidents, genie/flying carpet incidents, etc., LONG before reading about The Pilot's `Magic Universe' . My continuing standard for accepting any of his stuff is `Does it agree with or assist MY reality/recall?). Various previously random incidents now fell into place as `opposition' to the above goal (Emperor decapitating villagers to stop me/us monks from using godlike abilities e.g. levitation, `Commander' retiring me/us as godlike beings and `flying' now forbidden, etc.). It became obvious THE problem was being trapped in the dwindling spiral of re-cycling these Incident 1 goals. The next goal becomes the solution to the problem of the previous failed goal, on and on forever and ever, amen.
Continuing the process for another page of answers I realised the (mental) mass accumulating from the pursuit/opposition to the Incident 1 goals is MORE than enough to bury/occlude ANY hint of ANY existence/activity prior to one's current lifetime. (As I type these notes up - 24/6/99 - a simple analogy comes to mind. Imagine rolling a large beautiful gem along the ground from point A to point B. No problem until you meet some resistance/ opposition in the form of mud or snow. Soon you have a mudball or snowball which - if you continue your goal - accumulates more and more `mass'. How long will you pursue your goal now? Until the growing mass is as big as you? Twice as big? A hundred times? Your beautiful gem has become a monster. Then one day another nice gem appears so you stop pushing your huge mudball/snowball. But it's still there! You made it and only you can unmake it!) Anyway, the BIG WIN here was tracing a problem or problems down through its mechanics to rock bottom source (an Incident 1 goal), something I'd dreamt of since my first ever processing session.
R - Realised this morning how MUCH of a win it was yesterday - chasing a problem down to its basic basic, an original goal for this universe (per Incident 1). The cognition increased to seeing how OTHER Inc 1 goals had moulded my entire existence in this universe, bringing reason and understanding to various aspects of many previously viewed lifetimes and providing answers to questions I hadn't even formulated! For example, the Inc 1 goal TO BE FREE finally provided the right `why' for my behavior throughout many apparently unrelated lives, including my current life `obsession' with various philosophies, the occult, paranormal, etc. I was too blown-out to begin the next process until I'd acknowledged this win.
15.4.2 Fantastic! I saw straight away this question would (eventually) reveal things like opposition goals and opposition terminals. (I wrote `this is MAGIC!). Suppressing my glee at this discovery I got on with the process. Before the end of a page of answers I saw that my stubbornness had been a big problem to many people, and realised that `stubbornness' has its basis in the Inc 1 goal TO BE ENDURING. At the same time I realised why I'd refused any employment this lifetime to do with laboratory work. I'd been there, done that as a scientist (Inc 1 goal TO BE INTELLIGENT) clocking up numerous overts on animals, bodies, organs, etc. and could no longer `stomach' such work.
With the next process/flow 15.4.3 I saw `intelligent questions' as being a huge problem, such as when reporters grill political figures, etc. I quickly saw it as a dramatisation of the Inc 1 goal TO BE INTELLIGENT versus the next goal TO BE STRONG, and I also spotted the goal TO BE ENDURING in various individuals and organisations, and even constructions/buildings (such as the pyramids). Again the win here was tracing stuff back to basic, recognising the source of people's games/problems.
15.5 Incomplete communications
The earliest problems came about through fixed ideas that rest firmly on the protest button that we addressed in the previous chapter. But the protest itself comes about because of communication barriers. And so we can also handle problems by addressing stopped communications.
15.5.1a) What is the problem
15.5.1b) What communications have you left incomplete about that problem
15.5.2a) What problem has another had with you
15.5.2b) What communications have they left incomplete about that problem
15.5.3a) What problem has another had with others
15.5.3b) What communications have they left incomplete about that problem
On 15.5.1, I struggled to come up with a problem to run. So I started making a list of possible problems to handle and suddenly realised there was a common denominator - a desire `to be free' of the effects of all of these problems I was listing. AGAIN I had stumbled on an Incident 1 goal, this one TO BE FREE. This seemed to be my current goal. My viewpoint shifted and I saw the reason why these problems were annoying was because they were challanging my current goal! Each one was reminding me I was NOT free, NOT free to deal with them (because of current laws, morés of society, etc.) Even my dreams demonstrate I'm NOT free such as when I'm being chased or attacked! I began to see how TO BE FREE had become compulsive behaviour causing resistance/opposition/problems in other people (such as mum, various bosses, etc), and led me to various life choices/practices (yoga, martial arts, drugs, Rosicrucianism, hypnotism, meditation, scientology, et al).
15.5.2 quckly led AGAIN back to Incident 1. I saw how I'd `lost' to mum over the years, succumbed to her valence, that Nature uses opposition (stags fighting, bulls fighting, males and femals fighting for supremacy, pecking orders, etc. etc), and then I suddenly saw it all coming from the Incident 1 postulate `Only One Will Survive'. Then I thought it COULDN'T be that simple and looked around for exceptions to the rule. And saw that even plants compete for space, sunlight, etc, and even that the physical universe eventually out-lasts any life form! Only one will survive! That explained why I attacked a theta pole trap and lost. That explained why/how we've descended through all the dynamics. That explains why the dinosaurs disappeared. Inevitably when there's competition there can only be one winner. But the Incident 1 phrase `Only one will survive' operates as a hidden compulsion motivating/aberrating everything/everyone in this universe.
On 15.5.3 I immediately saw a scale of opposition (per tone scale) from postulates down through games, emotions, effort, mest etc. I saw (because of Incident 1) the inevitability of opposition/problems in this universe and therefore the inevitability of this universe continuing (to decay/decline) indefinitely. I also noticed we have almost succeeded in entirely eliminating the 7th dynamic from the equation. This is proved by asking any human being what they really are, where they've come from, etc. I also saw the inevitability there'd be a multitude of `wrong answers' to questions such as `What's really wrong with me/man/us?' because any answer is better than no answer. I breathed a (theta) sigh of relief as I realised the Pilot's Incident 1 data was emerging as the one RIGHT answer despite the odds against it.
The person is creating their own problems. First run:
15.6.1a) What is the problem
15.6.1b) What part of that problem could you be responsible for
And then run:
15.6.2a) What is the problem
15.6.2b) What part of that problem could you admit causing
15.6.1 began with the fascinating realisation that ANY problem restimulates Incident 1 because `Only one will survive'. So ANY problem becomes a challenge. Then what part could you be responsible for triggered the recognition of YET ANOTHER Incident 1 goal. The more I did the process the more real it became I'd been running on some ancient goal. I suddenly saw that ALL my aversion to promotion/s and various positions of authority throughout this current lifetime clear back to space opera times stemmed from a failed goal TO BE RESPONSIBLE. Numerous incidents came to view aligning with this goal and then I suddenly saw how my mother manifested this SAME goal throughout my life. I also saw how she dramatised another goal, TO BE DOMINEERING. Again there was a series of `That's why' this and that, and I ended off at that point. I saw how each of these basic goals could be run on all flows when one is ready to do so, and decided I'd gone far enough for the purposes of this chapter.
R - For process 15.6.2 I chose `Getting out of the mest universe'. A page and a half of answers led to seeing I'd caused the original (and continuing) decision to `be' (here) (as an individual life/theta unit), thus automatically putting myself in opposition to everything else that exists (because it's `not' me). Therefore (simply by existing) I am the cause of all possible problems I might ever experience, including being `stuck in mest'.
Since we are concerned with problems that have two sides in conflict, lets practice spotting two things at a time. Look around the room and spot two objects at a time until you can comfortably hold two things in your mind at once.
This produced a number of realisations. I saw that EVERYTHING in the physical universe is connected to something else, so although there appear to be many things there is in fact only the ONE mass/mess from a spiritual viewpoint. I then saw one of our greatest fears is the fear of `self plus nothing', which would be zero havingness. And the worst fate is that of oblivion, which would be self=zero with mest being infinity (e.g. body thetans and/or worse). Anyway, at this point I looked around at other people and the most real thing about them was their manifestation of Incident 1 goals. I saw how they (and others from this life) dramatised `being important', or `being meticulous', `being right', `being different', etc. etc. I then realised I'd achieved the goal of the process and could comfortably hold two things in my mind at once. I also saw that if I'd had/used this ability earlier then I wouldn't have succumbed to the pole trap.
15.8 Running both sides
Now lets look at the two sided nature of problems. And let's run back chains of problems because the person creates the same problem again and again. This can be run many times, each time taking a problem back down a chain of earlier similar problems until the chain dissolves. Keep running this until you feel freed of the weight of past problems. First spot or recall a problem. Then do the following steps over and over until either the problem dissolves or it seems to be getting more solid or has stopped changing (no new material is coming up). If this happens (becoming more solid or not resolving), then spot an earlier similar problem and run these steps on it. Keep going earlier similar until the entire thing comes apart with real relief. The commands are:
a) state or restate the problem
b) spot something about one side of the problem
c) spot something about the other side of the problem
R - Almost as a joke I ran a current problem of receding gum line requiring recent dental work. The usual indication is `brushing too hard' has caused the gums to recede. As I did the process I suddenly gained a viewpoint IN my mouth - I BECAME the gum and got the idea it felt it wasn't as important as the teeth because the teeth get all the attention. The gum actually felt invalidated having suffered the (dental) pain of needles, surgery, etc, in favour of the teeth. Well, that was fantastic enough but it went earlier. I saw a witch doctor with a necklace of old, yellow teeth. Seeing this in movies I'd always thought the teeth were from victims of tribal wars, or cannibalism, etc. Now I saw his teeth were `gifts' from grateful patients. The size of the `necklace' showed how experienced/good he was. In their system the tooth was not favoured over the gum. In fact the gum was more important. I ended the process at this point but later in the day it suddenly occurred to me the gum was in fact dramatising the Incident 1 postulate `Only one will survive'. With that I realised that yet AGAIN a problem had resolved back to basic basic.
R - Okay, T has had great results from doing the processes of Chapter 24 Suppression following her recent flu and insisted on getting on with this chapter.
15.1 - Confront
T - I had a good realisation to start the chapter. I used to think that confronting something was fixing the problem eg if I took money from R and then told him later (thereby confronting him with the problem) that this would fix it, but this doesn't address why I took the money, had I done it before and would I do it again - this is the real problem. To me confront is the tip of the iceberg. If a person loses the use of their legs in an accident they have to confront it, but it's a long way from being able to walk again ie the solution to the problem.
15.2 - Games and creation
T - I chose to deal with a painful split webbing toe. I selected/invented problems of comparable magnitude eg a paper cut, a festering pimple. Then I realised a tiny hole in my foot wasn't a problem of great importance, if at all.
T - This process involved thinking of a problem and then thinking of something worse than that problem. I thought of an infection which I was able to get ride of with m edication, but which has returned. Initially I felt the problem was the infection, but then it was the fact that it has come back and I need to take medication. However I realised that this problem is not bothering anyone else, is not painful etc. It would be much worse if I couldn't stop bleeding or lost my job because of it etc.
T - I thought of a problem I have, which is I don't like going slow and I'm fairly impatient. It wasn't easy inventing games which were more interesting than the problem, but I did. As we kept going over the problem it lost its intensity and we left it at that.
15.3 - More on confront
T - Had a big realisation with this process. People who write letters to newspapers seem to be saying `Here is a problem that I have - YOU confront it'. People who complain about dogs, politicians, trains etc are not confronting it or attempting to solve it, they're just making others aware of it, hoping that they'll fix the problem.
15.4 - Solutions
T - I had trouble starting this process, as I wanted to know what I was supposed to get out of it. R suggested that we take a look at a problem I have with tight clothes being around my neck. The charge on this area was too great (a possible strangulation from a previous life). Instead I chose a problem I have with not wanting to spend much time with my family. This morphed into my lifelong feelings of jealousy towards my brothers and coming off `last'. This led to my favourite topic, my 9th birthday party, where my brother put me `last' in the games. I likened my party to the game `Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon' because most of my emotional baggage can relate back to this incident. One of the solutions I came up with was killing my brother (not seriously). I thought the term `solution' meant the ultimate answer to the problem, but after looking up the word and discussion with R, I can see how there are short term and long term solutions.
T - After handling my mother with the suppression chapter, I returned to visit her this week. We got on very well. She even gave me a jumper which she had bought but had changed her mind about. Earlier that day I had lunch with a guy at work in the tea room. He is extremely overweight but has a positive outlook. It was the first time that he didn't shock me with his eating habits (coughing, food going everywhere) and I didn't feel embarrassed to be seen sitting with him.
15.5 - Incomplete communications
T - I tried to handle my brother's smoking (yet again). I realise that I don't have an acknowledgment from him that there is a problem, and also that I don't have a solution in mind. I then thought about body problems, and the fact that the incomplete communication is probably an ARC X. Most of my problems are body ones. I know my body is degenerating but I'm not made of money, so I get by however I can. Hopefully as my thetan gets stronger and with more processes I can anticipate a body regeneration, which will be a complete communication.
15.6 - Responsibility
T - The problem is my mother just burnt my bras in the frypan, attempting to get them dry so that I can wear them. I'm responsible for the fact that I know her track record, she's a time bomb. Earlier I brought to her attention the fact that I would need the bras, but I just left it at that, although we mentioned ironing (mum) and hair dryer (me). The next thing I know my mother is freaking out - I thought she'd hurt herself or something. I was so relieved when I saw my mangled bras! There was no reaction. I gave her a hug, assured her everything was okay and that it wasn't important. I even got her to have a bit of a giggle about it, and I let her know I considered it to be unintentional (ie not an overt). It's good to look at a situation like this and see that I have responsibility, as does my mother.
I have had problems with different people at work, mostly not wanting to mix with them. I realised that I was putting up barriers and didn't want to get involved with others. I have caused ridges where they were not necessary. Now, as my communication ability and disposition have improved, I embrace communication. R has commented that he is happy to hear that I am being open and friendly with my co-workers.
15.7 - Duality
T - No problems with holding two things in my mind at once (just with focussing on distance).
15.8 - Running both sides
T - I listed my current problems, as well as looking up the word "problem" in the tech dictionary. A recurring problem I came up with is my brother smoking in the house. I realised that he is committing an overt/non-survival action as he knows it bothers me but he chooses to continue doing it. He also has my mother backing him up. My side of the problem is I haven't properly communicated my difficulty to him, which I will endeavour to do.
Another problem is the fact that I don't like to look for earlier similar problems. A few years ago one of R's friends audited me on a whipping incident. This didn't turn out so well and I got `stuck' in an engram. Now I purposely blank out my mind to avoid looknig at earlier similar incidents. The other side of the problem is the fact that I am aware of how beneficial going earlier similar is from what I've read and especially from R.
Another problem I dealt with was of being `put out'. The present time problem is R's parents visiting for three months every year. I feel they expect me to sit around and listen to their old stories when I'd rather be doing something more constructive (I mentioned to R that I'd rather do processing than watch videos etc). I came up with an Earlier similar (after clearing this problem earlier) of when my Nan used to visit for a couple of weeks every year. She would use my bedroom and I would sleep on a mattress on the floor of my brothers' room. Looking back at this scenario I felt it was the right thing to do, however I realised it's SACRIFICE on the tone scale. This has been a regular ongoing condition, as I usually agree to do something/help someone and then they walk over me.
R - For me the highlight of doing this chapter was gaining the ability to trace current lifetime problems back to the (Incident 1) goals laid in upon entry to this universe - to basic-basic. When I first looked through chapter 36 these goals were just words the Pilot had come up with for reasons unconnected to me. Now, with this chapter (and twenty-odd years after starting on the Clearing path) I recognise them as possibly the most significant discovery on the road to freedom in this universe. Time and time again the VERY goals as provided in chapter 36 popped up as THE basic aberrations upon running these problems processes. And realisations continued after and between sessions. For instance last night (27/6/99) after a few beers with T while watching a bit of sport on TV I went to the toilet. As I stood there doing my thing I suddenly saw ALL my thoughts to do with happiness were sitting on the Incident 1 goal TO BE HAPPY. Obviously there'd not been much charge left on it and it just popped up as relating to my happy alcoholic haze. So it seems Incident 1 is unmocking/unravelling automatically for me as a result of doing this chapter and there may be little left to handle when I eventually get to chapter 36. It even struck me today (28/6/99) I had attained some kind of EP (End Phenomenon) for the entire Self Clearing course, or at least a result of CONSIDERABLE magnitude.
For myself the struggle to get back to `the beginning` has taken many years/levels of processing PLUS doing the previous 14 chapters thoroughly. Without the stable datum of Ch 36 I would continue to have wins/cogs but I doubt I could have come up with the full Incident 1 myself in the near future. It seems that Ron (and therefore scientology) indeed only had a part of it. Therefore the TIME saved on one's path to `total freedom' is incalculable. So too is its value and importance in freeing all beings. I could go on but to what end? My aim remains to get others to do Self Clearing and discover these things for themselves.
Comparing the results/wins of T with mine you can see the difference things like`case' level, experience and training makes. Like most things, the more you do something then the more ABLE you are to do it. Meanwhile we continue to demonstrate the workability and value of the Pilot's Self Clearing program both for a `beginner' and an `advanced' individual. Once again the processes of the chapter were an adventure each more wonderful than the last. Once again each process `worked' . We wish you were `here' with us (spiritually) on this incredible journey as it continues to get better and better for us.
PHEW! Finally got this chapter written-up today (1/7/99). My final viewpoint of the Pilot's Incident 1 upon completing this chapter is that I am now seeing THROUGH it. There is undoubtedly lots more of it to be handled but I now see it acting as a `grouper', causing a being's time tracks of earlier universe/s to converge at the time of Incident 1. Anyway, T and I have already begun the next chapter. Thank you for sharing the results of our Self Clearing. We look forward to hearing about yours.
[ End of Chapter 15 ]
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