Self Clearing Diary
Chapter24

'Suppression'

Our aim is to inspire others towards enlightenment via self clearing

Using The Pilot's Self Clearing book - Chapter 24

R - Introduction  - Since beginning Self Clearing I've always run some of the processes of this chapter on T immediately after any period of illness (usually a cold or 'flu).  This action has invariably moved her from effect to cause over elements connected to the illness and allowed us to continue with Self Clearing.

Lately I had been concerned that T had been making slow progress with Self Clearing and not contributing enthusiastically to the diary.  Then following a particularly severe `flu'  (which T had for two weeks, and which in turn made me sick for two days) I insisted we both do this chapter thoroughly and get our results onto the net.

As T is away for a few days I decided to get started immediately doing the processes on myself, and then run them on her when she returns.  She has not had a chance to run these processes on herself though I have no doubt she could do so.  We haven't arrived at this chapter yet (at the time of writing this we're only up to chapter 15), and I've always insisted on personally taking her through these processes to make sure they're done thoroughly.  I consider suppression handling THAT important, especially when it affects MY second dynamic.  Also a Catch 22, because of the very nature of suppression, is that it can be very hard to un-suppress oneself.  Because of my background (Class V) I long ago attained knowledge/certainty of the connection between illness and suppression.  For me, therefore, results from processes such as those in this chapter are inevitable.  My immediate challenge is to bring such enlightenment to T.  The uninitiated will have little reality on such things until/unless they experience the benefits first-hand.  Also false data exists such as `If you get your hair wet you'll catch a cold'.  Therefore I hope our results will encourage others to help themselves be more cause and less effect of suppression.

Friday  21/5/99

R -  I handled so MUCH charge on this first process 24.1 Spot a time when somebody stopped you, you stopped somebody else, etc.  The present time stuff was because of T chronically interrupting my communication (Fortunately it was all handled by the processing and we were able to discuss it later).  This was sitting on heaps of this lifetime stops and some past life stuff - seven pages of write-up in fact.  There were LOTS of insights into events in my life and I ended on the realisation that any stop is the result of someone (or something) winning, and this was being restimulated currently when T opposed my wanting to be/do/have.

I continued with 24.2 Criticism which quickly led to realising I was potentially (and used to be) EXACTLY like some of those who seemed critical of my views/reality, such as Christians.  When I was part of a cult some years ago I was as intolerant, if not worse, than any people I am currently connected to!  I saw that it is automatic for anyone who is only self-determined (and unable to be pan determined) to oppose those not of the same kind, or in the same group, etc., and only very able beings can rise above this.  I saw there exists a gradient scale of agreement/reality operating in any group connecting those in agreement and rejecting those who disagree, and how I and others had been up and down this scale.

Monday 24/5/99

R - With part (a) of process 24.3 Making Nothing again there was charge on T and other things in daily life (such as people on the street trying to walk through me), until part (b) revealed how I was making nothing of others.  Then I saw how we make nothing of spiritual things by having attention only on the physical universe, and how burning witches made nothing of them, etc, plus many insights into life for three pages of answers until I felt a definite resurgence of my 7th dynamic (spiritual) pursuits, realising I am in fact something of an expert (as I have been labelled) on Self Clearing and whatever else I make important to me.  Then I realised what was behind all the making nothing - the `game' here on earth IS opposition - thanks to Incident One.  That's the basis/motivation/secret of our current mest existence.

R - After lunch continued with 24.4 Spotting so as to discover WHO was suppressing me.  My belief in `the tech' is such that I have no doubt my recent flu was due to suppression.  The questions of this process brought a number of suspects to light, including T but none of them seemed to be THE one.  Then it dawned on me they all had something in common - they were all human beings.  Suddenly everything fell into place.  I saw how humans were chronically invalidating spiritual efforts, continuously out-ethics with their smoking, drugs, bad manners, full of false information, etc. etc.  Also, I had been openly critical of `human beings'  as recently as the previous chapter, an indication I'd done something TO them (critical=an overt).  And I recalled snippets from LRH warning how humans (thetans in bodies) were indoctrinated to entrap /bring down OT beings and it was so obvious.  Yes, dear reader, I was being suppressed by the entire human race.

Suppressing the giggles I launched straight into 24.5 How could you help (humans), how could they help you, etc.,  and quickly discovered humans had helped me discover my ideal beingness - `Q' from Star Trek.  It used to be Superman till I discovered `I' wasn't the body.  Q is a god and can do everything I expect an `OT' to do whereas Superman is really Super Body.  So humans have helped me by making my goal more real.  And the best way I can help humans is to attain that goal, helping pave the way for them to reclaim THEIR godhood.

Wednesday 26/5/99

R - Process 24.6 What problem have (humans) been to you, you to them, etc., quckly led to realising I often created my OWN problems with humans by trying to communicate with them about MY reality/s when they're simply not capable of doing so.

R - I got the result of process 24.7 Withholds almost immediately.  I suddenly realised I am forced to withhold most of my reality and understanding from humans because it's fundamentally opposite/opposed to theirs.  I know I am coming from the seventh (spiritual universe) dynamic.  I have experienced being outside my body this lifetime on a number of occasions.  I recall previous lifetimes in different bodies, etc.  Obviously then `I' will continue to exist beyond the death of this body.  This is of course spiritual immortality.  Whereas humans believe they are a meat body, death is the end, `If anyone's lived before then why haven't they come back and told us about it', type of thing.  You know, ignoring the fact that `Hey, hello, here we are and we've been telling you for years but you're not listening!'.  Finally, because humans ARE in fact spiritual beings/thetans (albeit with wholetrack amnesia/brainwashing) and they ARE operating (full bore - but as meat bodies) they are tough cookies to crack, VERY out-ethics (non survival) OTs.  Even the bible says they have eyes but do not see, ears but do not listen, etc.

R - With the amount of `critical' above I knew there'd be something on 24.8 Overts, and so there was.  Now the incident of attacking bodies and ships when I was a `rebel' OT came into focus.  And what I now realised was I never felt accountable for that because it was BEFORE the start of the (body) game for me.  When I did this overt I was on the OTHER side so it wasn't an overt!  Anyway, I paid the price of being captured, implanted, given (imprisoned in) a body, and serving time.  I STILL am!  I realised I was critical of humans today because I'd failed to take responsibility for those early overts.  It also occurred to me one of the ways I avoid full  responsibility is by not DATING incidents, so they remain not quite real, or if they REALLY occurred surely I'd know WHEN.

R - My head was really buzzing with the above processes but I was on a role so I went straight onto
24.9 Invalidation and had another realisation straight away.  I saw that I'd been invalidated by humans in the army and my solution was to learn martial arts so I could back it up my authority with force. I hadn't realised that before.  Then I went on to invalidate humans with force, putting a couple of guys in hospital (which I was NOT proud of  - incorrect estimation of effort, therefore `wrong').  At this point it occurred to me this entire action was equivalent to a  repair of my 4th Dynamic!

R -  Went straight onto 24.10.1 Affinity and quickly recalled I'd only been `accepted' or given affinity after being trapped in a body.  It occured to me the assumption (taking over a body at or after birth) was a dramatisation of this urge to get into ARC with the human race.  Then I realised the importance of `acceptance' as a manifestation of affinity, the tolerance of something or someone into one's `space'.  My failure to accept embodied beings into my space ages ago led to my being trapped in a body.  (That which you resist you become).

R - Only two commands of 24.10.2 Communication led to the HUGE realisation that (just prior to my pole trap encounter) because I'd wiped out a ship or two and some emissaries (they seemed SO tiny and insignificant when I was a big thetan!) that's why I became a `messenger' myself!  AGAIN it was a case of what you resist you become!  (I'll have a LOT more to say about who/what this `messenger' was when I've recovered/gained certain abilities).

R - Process 24.10.3 Agreement led to some incidents involving life as a `messenger'.  I realised the urge of the humans building what we know as the Tower of Babel was simply the Incident One goal `To Be Godlike'.  The bible tells us this was of course unacceptable to `God' and so he destroyed it.  I recall being involved in the incident but I don't think many would believe me so I'll spare you the details.  Again my win came from realising that when I was `godlike'  (the messenger) I'd thoroughly opposed humans (my current 4th dynamic) at a time when they were striving to `be godlike'.  It REALLY explains why I feel I'm being opposed by humans now when I'm striving to be godlike (again).  Further, at a time when I believed I was completely different/superior to `humans' we were ALL in fact in agreement with (stuck in) the same system/ game.  And once more it demonstrated how I'd become what I'd opposed.

R - 24.11 Where would (humans) be safe/ where could you put (humans) so you could be safe - well, where would YOU put them?  That's right, on a planet as far away from the centre of things as possible, right on the edge of the galaxy - earth.  And here they/we are.

R - 24.12 What could you confront about (humans) quickly led to the obvious conclusion I'd come down from create (see scale), then with What action of (humans) could you be responsible for I saw how I was still blaming them for trapping, implanting free beings, etc.  Then I realised I'd done all those things myself (in an earlier role) which in fact WAS at create on the scale.  And by creating human beings (back then) I was directly responsible for any present time problems I now have with them.

R - After two pages of 24.13 Mockups I suddenly realised I was still stuck with/performing a post/job from an earlier civilization!  Per the ethics data I realised I hadn't written up the post, ended cycle on it.  I'd played a role in introducing and enforcing the current `system' by aligning with the command intention for earth.  When the system was in place I was `retired' and I've felt out of place here ever since, but still trying to enforce `the rules', get people to do the right thing, etc.  I'd been suppressed (captured, implanted, embodied) and was automatically doing it to others to keep them in place.  In present time I was/am protesting people who fail to `obey the rules'.  I realised what I really react against are people who invalidate or make nothing of myself or other people, because the majority are trying to make something.  I wasn't quite satisfied with this so I continued the process until I finally got it.  I realised I'd `made nothing' of one of man's greatest efforts to become godlike - the Tower of Babel.  THAT'S why I was being effect/getting upset when others tried to `make nothing' of me!!!

I felt very pleased with my personal results from doing this chapter.  I'd blown HEAPS of charge, discovered a WHO for any suppression I'd been under, and had some amazing recalls, insights, cognitions, etc. etc.  I was now more than ready to help T get some results from these processes.

Saturday 29/5/99

24.1 - Stops

T - I have problems with being moved when R's parents come to visit.  I thought of times when my Nan visited and I was moved out of my bedroom.  She also tried to stop my younger brother and I from looking at a car accident outside our home.  The stop process brought to light the comparison between me now being annoyed at sacrificing my comfort and the fact that I had to do it when I was a child also.

24.2 - Criticism

T - Running the criticism process, I recalled my mother hates Greg Norman but doesn't explain why.  I had a discussion with R about hate.  I had trouble thinking of something that I hate because of all the energy going into a negative feeling.  R mentioned he hates the sensation of touching cockroaches.  I realised I hate mosquitoes because they always bite me and I react badly when I'm bitten (emotionally).

24.3 - Making nothing

T - I realised that if a person stops communicating with another this is making nothing of them.  My father used to go silent when he was upset about something, which would be upsetting to everyone else around him.

24.4 - Spotting

T - Spotted that my younger brother may be a suppressive person.  We started the help process but I didn't have a win on this, so we left it at a flat point.

Sunday 30/05/99

24.6 - Problems

T - I realised that I have failed help with my brother.  On numerous occasions I have tried to assist him albeit unsuccessfully (given him money, told my parents of his financial problems).  This has led to the current problem of how do I help him?  R and I discussed how failed help is a ridge.  I see it as my attempts at help ricocheting off my brother.

24.7 - Withholds

T - My brother hasn't admitted that he has a problem (dope smoking, gambling, overspending), therefore he hasn't begun to fix it and is withholding it.

24.8 - Overts

T - I realised that if my brother is finding life difficult or not coping then I tend to revel in it as his losing makes me appear greater.  This may also be a reason why I don't help him.

24.9 - Invalidation

T - My brother has been very critical of me in the past (my appearance, height, conscientious nature), however I now realise I have been as equally critical of him.  I tease him when he only fills in two answers in crosswords or if he has to read a newspaper article more than once.  I consider him to be a bit of a dullard.  It came as a bit of a surprise to know that I've been very critical of him in an area which I'd forgotten he'd had so many difficulties.  He had comprehension problems at school where he didn't know what he was reading and he also had a lazy eye, which frustrated him a great deal.

24.10.1  -  Affinity

T - I realised that I used to have affinity for my brother when I didn't know any better and because I was impressionable.  When he started to lift weights while on the dole, smoke grass and gamble, my affinity for him decreased.  I still have affinity for him, but only in short bursts.  He doesn't enjoy communicating with me, probably because his problems appear to be greater than mine.

24.10.2  -  Communication

T - The other evening I tried to have a conversation with my brother.  It was a two way conversation being held by one person.  By me being there I was insisting on talking.  He wasn't speaking, and I realise that if he did this would have indicated that he was interested and I would have taken up more of his time.  My brother doesn't have good communication skills.  He grunts, he walks off in the middle of a conversation and doesn't seek acknowledgment.

24.10.3 - Agreement

T - My brother moved into the garage after my father died.  I have the feeling that he obtained an insisted agreement from my mother, yet I came home one day to find he'd moved there.  I regard this also as insisted agreement.  He didn't seek my input and he didn't take into account the fact that my bed is right next to the dividing wall to the garage.  This is also an `enforced reality' in terms of the ARC triangle.

24.11 - Safe

T - I quite glibly thoguht that people like my brother and I are safe because we have a place to live etc.  However we are not in control of outward influences, therefore we are not truly safe.  I realised that some people are not even safe in their first dynamic eg schizophrenics or psychopaths.  R mentioned earth vs other civilisations and how we're a `safe'  distance from them.

24.12 - Cause

T - I have a greater understanding of responsibility over the dynamics.  I feel responsible for my brother because he was born after me and because he is part of the family unit.  We ended on this process of the chapter, as I wasn't sure if my brother is the suppressive person after all.

Monday 31/5/99

24.5 - Help

T - The next person on the list is my mother.  I have failed help with my mother.  She is too helpful towards me (I'm 30 years old and she has dinner waiting for me when I get home) and I don't appreciate her efforts.  My nose is out of joint also because I have good things happen to me and yet they pale in comparison in her opinion with things that my brothers do.

24.6 - Problems

T - When I was 20 I won a trip overseas and I took my father.  Dad hadn't travelled much before (he was 57 and spent his working life in the public service).  I feel as though I enhanced his quality of life because he travelled a fair bit after that until he died last year.  However I didn't realise until now that I decreased my mother's quality of life because every night Dad would discuss future travel with Mum (who wasn't interested in planning, just going).  Sometimes she would get upset and go outside (where I'd go to look for her).  I'm glad I spotted this side to the equation.

24.7 - Withholds

T - I realised that I am withholding from my mother the fact that I stay with her fortnightly because it's what I feel is expected, a family responsibility.  I have been unable to make the break away from the family unit.  I don't especially enjoy staying with my mother (she eats with her mouth open, has to have the last word etc) but it's a bit of a break from R (for both him and me).

24.8 - Overts

T - This was a hot area;  I was able to get a lot of charge off.  Told R some new anecdotes about my family life. R and I discussed that an overt can be intentional or unintentional, which helped to figure out if an overt had taken place eg decided Mum raising me as a Catholic to me is an overt, because it really messed me up.

Tuesday 1/6/99

24.9  -  Invalidation

T - I tried to pass off the invalidations against my mother as being not deliberate but `routine'.  Mum appears to be oblivious to my invalidations (eg she keeps talking while I read the newspaper).  I feel that her invalidations aren't deliberate (eg when I stay with her she spends a lot of time talking about my brothers).  It's like a mother/daughter act.

24.10.1  -  Affinity

T - I thought of one of my many childhood `incidents'.  I was with my mother and my older brother walking across a crossing when I was hit by a car.  I was about 8 years old.  My brother was walking first, followed by Mum then me.  Mum had no responsibility over me, as she couldn't see where I was.  She then had me show people the bruise on my bottom, which was embarrassing.  This was what I thought of when R said,`Is there a time when you rejected your mother's affinity?'  I also realised that Mum is jinxed when it comes to cars.  She was driving in an accident which killed her father.  She also had a slight prang which she didn't remember.

24.10.2 - Communication

T - I had a realisation that when I started going out with R I dumped my parents like hot potatoes, and they'd been around all that time.  I stopped doing crosswords with them and picking horses/horse racing with Dad.  I realised how difficult it must be for parents when their children grow up and grow apart from them.

24.10.3  -  Agreement

T - I realised that when I have been adamant that I'm right about something and Mum doesn't agree with me it's a real sore spot.  It takes her about a week to find out that I'm right and she tells me so, but by then it is too late.  I feel she should have agreed with me in the first place.  I have problems with R about him agreeing with me also.  I told him recently I felt ill, as I had a sore throat turning into a cold.  He dismissed this very readily and I didn't appreciate that.  It was as if he was saying `I've heard it all before', and I barely get sick.

24.11  -  Safe

T - My mother takes anti-epileptic medication.  She is prone to `turns' where she blacks out momentarily.  I feel that Mum would be safe as a spiritual being if she was in another body, one in better working order eg because of her turns she has collided with the kitchen table, fridge etc and has had bruises and broken bones.  The other alternative is she would be safe in a padded cell, not for mental reasons but because she would be safe from MEST eg sharp objects.

24.12 - Cause

T - I realised that I can confront anything about my mother, which I have had to do in the past.  I am only willing to be responsible for her actions where she is not totally in cotnrol (eg in one of her turns).  I discovered that I am at No Effect on the pre-havingness scale, which is the lowest point there is.  I have responsibility in certain aspects of life (eg my job) but am at no effect because I can't be bothered/am disinterested in many other areas.  I suppose this to a certain degree could be seen to be no reaction/apathy.

R - I LOVE the freedom of Self Clearing! I believe anyone with auditing training can get fantastic results on themselves or others with it.  No special equipment is required - just a pen and paper and the willingness to discover things about yourself and existence.  Without such training then humans require something special to overcome the spiritual inertia they all seem to have.  T began (March '98) with above average intelligence but it has required much of the steel fist in a velvet glove to get this far.  The first YEAR of S/C was all uphill with/for her but it was worth it, as I knew it would be.  Whoops - got to stop preaching.  My big WIN from both of us doing this chapter was that T now has more understanding of what causes her to `get sick', irritable, lose interest in self clearing, etc.  That is what I wanted for her.  And she easily achieved the ideal result - the restoration of her willingness to continue with Self Clearing.  At the first hint of any suppression in the future we will be straight back to the processes of chapter 24 in order to handle it.