Self Clearing Diary

'More on Communications'

Our aim is to inspire others towards enlightenment via self clearing

There are two categories of duplication which we are interested in at this point. First is being able to duplicate an action, in other words, to be able to do the same thing over again or have the same thing happen again. And second is the ability to duplicate what is being communicated or to duplicate another's viewpoint on things. Both of these are important, and both commonly suffer from similar ailments.

The person, having suffered from undesirable incidents, becomes reluctant to have these things repeat. Eventually, he generalizes and associates too much and develops a general reluctance to have things happen again. Furthermore, we have lived many many lifetimes and in some of those we have been slaves and made to do repetitive tasks. This is quite distasteful and so we have a further reluctance to duplicate or repeat things. Also, during the long course of our existence, we have been tricked into believing that duplicating another's viewpoint too well would lead to loss of identity and individuality.

In actual practice, duplicating is an important and necessary skill. It always works to our advantage. You need to duplicate to communicate and perceive. You need to duplicate other's viewpoints so that you can get along with them. You need the ability to duplicate actions to maintain and expand those things that you desire to keep around. And you need to duplicate undesirable things, at least briefly, to bring them to acceptance and fulfillment so that they can be dismissed.

The skill is always useful, and it has been blocked and entrapped continually as we have come down the ages foolishly warring with one another.

The Pilot's Self Clearing book - Chapter 10

Monday 12/10/98

We will start with a simple process. Run these commands alternately.

10.1a) What would you be willing to have happen again
10.1b) What would another be willing to have happen again
10.1c) What would others be willing to have happen again

R - After about 10 answers on this process (while glibly thinking I'd be willing to re-live most of this lifetime) I remembered something that had come up in session many years ago during formal CoS processing. It was a detailed recollection of approaching the maternity ward (as a thetan) to obtain a baby/my body at the start of this lifetime. My pre-birth `mockup' was clearly Marcabian (black boots, uniform - very similar to the Nazi mockup) . This was almost impossible to `believe' at the time, but I just told this to my auditor adding I felt I'd been sent to explore `ways out' or `escape routes' and report back at the end of this life. It was actually then that I realised I owed a greater allegiance to Scn (for providing access to that knowledge) than to Marcab, and that I was in fact betraying Marcab by revealing that information, etc.

Anyway, I didn't really know what to make of stuff like this back then because there was nobody to talk to about it, just LRH's references to it (which is why I am very pro tech and pro LRH). With this process I saw why I'd had so much friction with my mother this lifetime. She was (inadvertently) opposing my Marcab `mission' . I then saw I'd had a `problem of long duration' with her because of this. I thought this was a good result for the process until I suddenly realised it was a GPM. The Marcab mission was an implanted goal and mum was the op term. After 20-odd years of Scn this is my first reality of a GPM. Bruce Springsteen's song comes to mind - `Born in the USA'. However, my words would be `Born, with a GPM'.

Wednesday 14/10/98

R - Feeling strange after reading some alternative freezone (Michael Mourer's Animal Mind) stuff on the net. Realised I'd been ignoring entity handling. Printed out relevant Self Clearing chapter (38 - Entities and Spiritual Fragments), read through it and dealt successfully with a number of entities currently in restimulation. Had a number of cognitions as a result. That night, awaking from dreaming, had the revelation that (all?) dream personnel were probably entities.

Thursday 15/10/98

R - Very sore feet from jogging. Did 1.3 Applying the Attention Process to the body (I call it OT Touch Assist) which reduced the pain by about 70 per cent and brought a reflexology related realisation after 10 minutes so I left it at that.

Monday 19/10/98

10.1 Willingness

T - I'm finally back into the self-clearing after a really tough time of things work-wise. R suggested that he run through the Correction List with me, just to make sure that I'm ready to begin this chapter. I decided that the last chapter was overrun. I had trouble beginning this process with "what would you be willing to have happen again". After consultation with R, I decided to change the command to "what would you not be willing to have happen again." I came up with slight accidents this lifetime. My realisation was that myself and others are not willing to have things happen again but are forced into it through implants and by not taking responsibility to ensure things don't happen again. Also, not postulating enough perhaps ("I suppose I'm not willing to be a girl again"), and then being stuck with it. I then tried the process without the word "not", but by this time I felt I'd had a good win (as well as starting to sound like R).

Tuesday 20/10/98

10.2 Book and Bottle

Pick two dissimilar objects. A book and a bottle will do. Place them a few feet apart on a desk or table. Pickup the book. Notice its weight, temperature, and color. Put it down in the same place. Then pickup the bottle. Notice its weight, temperature, and color. Put it down in the same place.

Repeat this over and over again, but do not repeat it as an automatic action. Instead, strive to do each one as if it was the first time you did it. We are trying here to break the habit of dragging the past into the present and to overcome the tendency to put repeated actions on automatic. There is nothing really wrong with putting something on automatic when you choose to, but you should not do this compulsively and you should always be ready to take back control. You are quite capable of doing the same action again and again without going mentally numb. And if you can see each cycle of a repeated action as a new action instead of an accumulating weight, you can break hypnotic effects.

The skill gained here is powerful, so it is worth some time even if the action itself seems silly. It works best if you don't vary the action but simply do it precisely again and again. Continue this at least to the point where you can do it over and over again without any mental numbness, tiredness, or fatigue. The idea is not to do self hypnosis with this but instead to do the opposite, learning to break a hypnotic pattern by doing each repeat as a new action in a new unit of time. If you continually inject fresh consciousness, you can remain alert despite any attempts to hypnotize you.

R - When I did this with CoS in 1978 as one of the objective processes I experienced exteriorisation with full perception, looking down on my body and that of the person running the process on me. It only lasted a couple of seconds and of course that was the end of the process because exteriorisation is one of the goals of processing. I can agree with, I think, Homer Wilson who said something to the effect that this common result was in fact the only way to escape/end the endless monotony of the session. But this was `out the top', not `out the bottom'

(UPDATE JAN 2001 - As I see it now this is how we end the session called `life'. And `heaven' and `hell' depend on an ability to be cause or effect)

I now suspect it may even have been the viewpoint of an entity blowing off because the urge to leave the room or blow session was almost totally overwhelming and I would not have been able to do it without a trained processor running the commands on me. As I endured/persisted (the way out is the way through) something had to give, and after what seemed like an eternity (couple of processing hours) suddenly I experienced this exterior viewpoint of the small room and our bodies standing there. Whatever `blew' I had definitely been the effect of for eons. Even now I shudder to think where I would be without that process and that session under my belt.

So although I did not feel I needed to do this process again, I was also curious to see what would happen this time. Also, as T offered to run me on it I thought, why not? So, in between correcting her (reminding her to acknowledge each of my communications during the process, not evaluate or add things into the session) I had a number of cognitions throughout the process. I was eventually happy to observe/realise my mind was like a prism, accepting the single flow of her words/commands then `refracting' them to appopriate parts of my brain so as to comply with the process. I was also very pleased to coach her on giving her very first session!

Wednesday 21/10/98

R - Shortly after arriving at work a woman made an invalidative remark that annoyed me (as she had done it before and looked like doing it again). I decided to handle it as a rudiment, and thought at first it was an ARC X, but on reflection decided it was actually a PTP. It went earlier similar quite easily (for two pages) and eventually I was again recalling the start of my time track. I realised that all my problems (with others) had one common denominator - me. The only reason I'd ever had problems was because I was `there', because I existed, and that my existence occured as a consequence of `resisting' life, the universe and everything. When I wondered why the hell I was resisting, why I was continuing to exist despite everything, I cognited on Factor 2 - In the beginning and forever was the decision, and the decision is TO BE.

This was my very first realisation to do with The Factors. They were simply interesting data up until now. Also I now understood the essence of the Buddhist `All existence is suffering', and the idea that freedom can only occur with the cessation of `self', etc. and to paraphrase the immortal `I think, therefore I am', I would say `I am, therefore I have problems'. I recognise now my original decision to have a game and my earliest opponents were matter, energy, space and time, but not necessarily in that order.

I was so blown out from this that I decided not to get upset on the train going home if someone had their feet up on seats. Sure enough two `louts' had their feet up. With difficulty I controlled my hostility and sat down so they were behind me. I immediately decided to try admiration to deal with them, although this was exactly opposite to how I felt. I closed my eyes and beamed admiration out in a 360 degree radius from my head. Ignoring their swearing and general loutish behaviour I beefed up the admiration, determined to win. The admiration automatically focused in a beam from the back of my head directly to the two louts and I got a mental picture of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader duelling with their light sabres.

I clearly saw my beam of admiration as a use of the `Force' and their behaviour as a manifestation of the `dark' side of the force. As I recognised this as a game I knew they would lose, and they did. Their loud manner and swearing petered out and they became quiet. Another passenger sat next to them and their feet came off the seats. They remained silent until their station a few stops later.

(R - Important - Update 27/10/98 - the woman at work who invalidated me (see above) was actually reprimanded by the boss (for talking too much) and moved to another desk - fairly extreme discipline at our office!)

10.2 Book and Bottle

T - I started this process yesterday, having taken it to a "flat point". This evening I did it again, with R giving the commands. Although I felt a little sluggish, I was able to continue, being able to laugh and having the feeling that I could continue no matter what.

Wednesday 21/10/98

10.3 Mental Version of Book and Bottle

This might be too tough, in which case you can skip it and go on to the next process below and leave this one for a second pass through these materials. But the effect is so interesting that it would be a shame to leave this one out of the book, and it is best done right after doing the physical version above.

You need to have done the physical version to the point where you do not experience any tiredness or dopey feeling from repeating the action over and over again. Otherwise its just too easy to fall asleep when you try this mental version.

Close your eyes and mentally create a room that is not connected with or located in the physical universe. You can do this by imagining that there is a point in a new space completely disconnected from reality. Then extend the point into a line and the line into a wall. Create six walls (including the floor and ceiling) formed into a room. Now mockup (visualize) two tables in the room. Put a book on one of them and a bottle on the other. Have the book float up in the air. Notice its weight, color, and temperature. Then have it float back down. Then do the same with the bottle. Alternate these back and forth as in the physical drill above.

If you continue this long enough, your mentally created mockups of these objects will achieve some degree of solidity and you will begin to feel "weight" as you lift them up and lower them down. This is the desired effect, namely, that you can mentally create mass and weight and solidity when you so desire

R - The space I mocked up for this process immediately became `real' in that I felt it had actually existed a long (long, long) time ago. I deliberately made the bottle pink so it would not be an old mockup, but when I made a pink book it insisted on being a `real' book (leather bound, old, dusty, white pages, with notations) . As I continued the process it became more real/solid distracting me.

Decided to handle it with make it more/less solid until I got the is-ness that it was a distillation/record of experience/spells from the `magic universe' which was `important' to preserve/pass on and that's why it was persisting. Also that as a diary/record it was an alteration, so it was persisting. There was a brief recognition that magician's/witches `familiars' were simply entities. I then got to thinking about the Book of Thoth, Egyptian mythology, etc and wondering about a connection with the magic universe, then decided I was getting too speculative/unreal and went back to the process.

I cognited that the `weight' of my bottle depended on the density of particles I postulated into it, and I realised this process was the reverse/mirror of the physical universe book & bottle process. In the mest process one notices the weight/temperature/colour that exists. In the mental version one has to create/postulate those things in order to experience them. Took a break and decided to do more of this process later.

Friday 23/10/98

10.3 Mental Book and Bottle

T - I needed R's assistance with this one. I am still having trouble with pretending where things are set eg looking around a room and trying to change the colour of the walls. R gave me some commands which helped before we undertook the main process. I had to create a room around items in the garden. I could mock up the two tables, the book and the bottle, but I couldn't get them to float, so I had to "physically" do the process in the mock up. I was happy with the effort I put into it.

R - Yes, T thought she would not be able to do this process at all so we took it to a win for her. It's amazing to note the difference in our respective abilities. T has a fantastic ability to recall obscure information about sports, movies, politics, trivia and such (she has won competitions in this area!) yet has great difficulty with apparently simple mock-up processes. Whereas I often have problems recalling who is running the country, or what today's date is, yet thrive on the most advanced or obscure processes (see my Book & Bottle below).

Sunday 25/10/98

10.4 Duplicating Others' Viewpoints

T - I was able to accomplish this process without too many problems. I chose an old man, a confused man, an arrogant youth, and an infant, all with different emotions. I was able to duplicate each emotion (numb, anxiety, hostility and fear). R suggested that I spend more time learning the tone scale, especially the actual emotions expressed on it, not ones that I think should be there.

Tuesday 27/10/98

R - Continued 10.3 Mental Book and Bottle until I was `playing' with the bottle and the book, flipping/spinning the bottle up before slamming it down on the table. I realised I was getting a really good/enjoyable/strong havingness on these items until it felt really really good. As I continued this `game' I knew I could lift both objects at the same time if I wanted to, or make the objects as big or as small as I wished/postulated.

Conscious of `altering' the process by `changing' anything I decided the bottle should/could be infinitely big. So I had both objects `huge to infinity'. Then I was surprised to notice the bottle was no longer in the mocked-up space but was now in the physical universe space of the room I was sitting in! (though not visible/real to physical eyes). I realised this was the secret to manifesting objects in the physical universe. This is an ability/siddhi I've searched/wished for since way back. As I write this it would seem that if one mocked up an object and postulated it was infinitely big/solid/coloured, for example, then it should manifest in the physical universe. (I've heard of Sai Baba, a spiritual leader living in India who can do such things - there is a website about him).

Then I noticed that my mocked-up space had been really small (which is why the infinitely big bottle popped out of it!) compared to `real' space and was reminded of the big/small comparisons of Gulliver and Alice In Wonderland. I realise now one reason the bottle didn't actually manifest is that I didn't make it infinitely solid as well as infinitely big (details, details).

I mocked up a space again and continued the process, yawning, obviously overrunning heck out of the above wins but I felt there was `more'. Then my viewpoint of the space `unfixed' and I was lifting the book and bottle from above, then to the side, then as I was moving around the room/space. I realised I was able to do this by using the objects as anchor points. As I write this I realise this was an exteriorisation from my fixed viewpoint, just as I'd exteriorised on the original process back in 1978, and probably the exact same way I/we got stuck/arrived in the mest universe.....

10.4 Duplicating Others' Viewpoints

Now let's practice seeing how other people look at things. Go to a crowded place. Select individual people and for each one, try to duplicate their emotions and attitudes and get the idea that you are looking around with their viewpoint, seeing things as they would see them.

You don't have to duplicate them correctly. Its all right to make things up and duplicate whatever you can imagine their viewpoint is. You might get some telepathic sensitivity out of this and develop some accuracy at empathizing with others, but its not a requirement. All that you need at this point is a willingness to duplicate others. In practice, what you will probably get is a mixture of imagination and correct impressions. Your strength and accuracy improves with practice as long as you don't continually invalidate yourself for the incorrect imaginings.

R - Had to address couple of considerations before doing this process. One was not wanting to draw attention to myself. Another was an unwillingness to `invade' the space of other people by duplicating their viewpoint. You know, entities are one thing but `real people'? Another was why would one do this except to gain an unfair advantage over others? Another was if you do this it proves you cheated and so already lost the game (of life). I simply noted these considerations and bagan. Firts thing I noticed then was the difficulty in duplicating another's viewpoint while they were looking at me!

I then realised the overt of looking at others instead of sharing their viewpoint, in that just looking at them enforces the illusion of the physical universe/mockup upon them. As I continued the process I began picking up attitudes but often wasn't able to recognise them/place them on the tone scale. I noticed this was basically telepathic activity. Sometimes I would `see' the page of a magazine and then realise it was because the person was reading, for example. As I cycled through the viewpoints of one group of people my attention bounced back on myself when I got the viewpoint of a gay guy looking at me. I found the process fascinating. It improved my confront and added yet another skill to my OT repertoire.

Wednesday 28/10/98

This morning on the train goind to work I assumed the VP of an Asian girl talking too loudly. I immediately percieved she was looking through an entity which was distorting her viewpoint. I automatically did `What are you, who are you?' on the entity which soon realised that it was a representative of the Emperor's Imperial household and didn't belong with a girl on a train in a foreign country. So he departed and the girl immediately stopped shouting, to the relief of everyone in the carriage.

On another girl at work I immediately perceived she was looking through the VP of an entity but I wasn't able to handle the entity as I was too busy working. But it could explain her appearance which others find unusual in our work environment of business suits and ties. She seems comfortable with her extreme hairstyle, exaggerated swagger when walking, and very butch image.

Later I realised problems I'd had with some people in the past were due to their entities. One manager in particular regularly undergoes a complete change in personality, completely denying things said only hours or minutes before. She appears genuinly shocked/disbelieving when people say she has done/said certain things. I realised entities are a factor in FAR more matters than I'd previously expected. This factor could explain many perception related problems such as why an individual `sees themselves' as fat/overweight when they're obviously not, or why people continue to do things `out of character', and so on.

10.5 More on Others' Viewpoints

This can be done in the same crowded place as the previous exercise, or it can be done anywhere that has lots of stuff to look around at. Here you are going to think of people that you know or have known and for each one, imagine that you are them and look around with what you feel is their emotions, attitudes, and viewpoint. Look around for a few minutes, pretending to be them, until you feel that you have duplicated them.

Note that each one should be continued until you have no compulsive emotional or other reactions to it. Mostly people have trouble duplicating each other's viewpoints. But the opposite sometimes occurs as well and people get stuck in other people's viewpoints. Especially the viewpoints of people who dominated them on the one hand or who were desirable and then left on the other hand.

If some identity seems to be sticky and you have trouble discarding it at the end of the drill, then think of places where that identity would be safe until you can comfortably discard it. This process frees you up so that you can shift in and out of other's viewpoints at will. It is extremely beneficial.

R - Not unexpectedly the first viewpoint I assumed was T's. As I noted her extroverted attention it became apparent this was not entirely `natural'. I then perceived an entity enforcing this condition and decided to handle it (with what are you?/who are you?). I realized that the entity was contributing to T's continual struggle with lower ethics conditions. Handling the entity I got its viewpoint locating T in the physical universe at that time, and then got that familiar ringing in my ears when something `blows' and decided to leave it there.

Next was my brother's viewpoint. We don't get on well because our views on so many things are directly contrary. Anyway, something seemed to `blow' straight away and I didn't get very much after that, so I left it there.

Friday 30/10/98

T - I really enjoyed this process. I began by writing down a person's name, their qualities, then assuming their viewpoint. The first person I selected yesterday was R. There weren't many `negative' qualities associated with him. It took me a little time to `warm up' though. I found it worthwhile walking like the person as well as acting as they do. I now understand why R `bounces' around all the time. My parents' viewpoints were challenging. My mother is very slow in her movements, is numbed by medication and is always making herself right. My late father was a physical time-bomb, very nosy yet anti-social and irritable. I really took on his persona walking around. There was no grief associated with Dad (and there hasn't been any for ages). Today I selected my older brother (who is very similar to my younger brother). He is hyperactive, funny, articulate, with always something to say. I felt a slight headache after `being' him. I then took on the `role' of a workmate. My body felt bigger, I made silly statements (believing them to be correct) and made a shit-eating grin. The last person I did was an ex-supervisor. This was difficult, as she is three times my size, but I felt that when I spoke it was her.

Mon 2/11/98

R - Continued handling entities located previously - I've done this as a separate write-up called Jabba as it is more appropriate to the later chapter dealing with entities.

Thursday 5/11/98

R - Continued on with 10.5 Others' Viewpoints process as I felt there was much to gain. Startling revelations occurred with mother's VP. For instance I now understand what `oblivious' means, why I have dramatised it/used it as a service facsimile, and where I got it from, also that it means to not-is. A lot of childhood stuff cleared up with this VP and then I realised I was able to process the VP and as-ised the sympathy computation causing the obliviousness (`She doesn't know what happened, poor thing')

That was a really big win for me as it confirmed something I've suspected for ages, that we can actually handle each others' engrams/aberrations etc if we need to/have to.

I continued the process, duplicating the viewpoints of various family members, friends, people from my past. (This covered about 8 pages of notes - I found it extremely helpful to write down what was occurring) I quickly discovered I was automatically processing these viewpoints where possible, much as you'd adjust the cushion/s when sitting down in somebody's house, or closing the door behind you, or picking up something fallen on the floor. It certainly aligns with my goal to free beings.

As I continued I saw that some of my habits/attitudes/tendencies had come from these various viewpoints. I saw also that I'd resisted certain viewpoints I'd disliked in the past (people who'd made me effect of unwanted things, like practical jokes or blame/punishment) and this made me avoid being like them.This led to understanding what no game conditions means.

Friday 6/11/98

R - Continued 10.5 Others' Viewpoints to a total of 8 pages of write-ups. This eventually led to suspecting I was stuck in some kind of `unexistence' valence which I traced back to entry to this universe and some kind of entity/doorman. His/its job was to not-is anyone/anything not in the time stream. I then had a big realisation of what the Ethics condition of Non Existence actually meant, because to me this incident was the basic of all Non Existences! I literally did not exist as far as he was concerned until I went into agreement with the time stream of this universe - and vice-versa of course.

I was so keyed-out by this I was able to lecture to T all about the significance of Non E as it applied to ethics and life. Thank the gods we're doing `self ' processing, because `all auditors talk too much' and `never evaluate for the preclear' certainly apply to me!!!

Tuesday 10/11/98

An old friend, Frank, comes over and begins self clearing.

Wednesday 11/11/98

R - Tried to continue with 10.5 because there were plenty of categories of viewpoints left to cover, and more I could think of, but I really felt flat/bored about doing more, so decided to go on to the next process

10.6 The Emotional Scale

L. Ron Hubbard charted out an emotional tone scale which he describes extensively in his book "Science of Survival". It is also discussed at length in Ruth Minshull's book "How To Choose Your People". It is basically a pattern of emotions that people tend to follow, moving up and down in sequence. It is not actually natural to a pure spirit who can, of course, simply feel any emotion without any pattern to it at all. But this scale is pretty deeply seated and we all seem to have been indoctrinated into it long ago in earlier universes prior to this one. So people mostly follow it and they seem to think more clearly and have a higher energy level when they are in the upper parts of the scale. The following is a highly oversimplified version of the scale. If you are interested, then see the above references and additional writings by Hubbard and others for more information, expanded and more detailed versions of the scale, various practical applications, etc. This, however, should be sufficient for our purposes here.


To familiarize yourself with the scale and improve your mastery over your emotions, go to a crowded or interesting place as in step 10.5 above and look around with each of these emotions starting from apathy and working up to cheerfulness. On each emotion, spot things while feeling that emotion until you feel good about it. In other words, you begin by looking around apathetically and spotting things and feeling apathetic about them and think apathetically concerning them. Then look at them with grief, etc. If necessary, repeat the entire scale from bottom to top a few times until you can control this comfortably.

R - In a room with other people I assumed the first tone given, apathy. Quickly realised how matter/energy/space/time and bodies are ridges of apathy animated by life/theta, and that apathy was a harmonic of death. This cheered me up so I kept going with it and realised apathy was simply a lack of theta activity and that theta activity was attention units postulated/directed on one's perceptions and/or thoughts. Then I noticed the effort to create apathy disappear and I could do just assume/have it at will. So I enjoyed that for a while, finding it quite restful/relaxing. A few more cognitions such as impotence must be apathy related, etc. Then I realised I `use' apathy when the body is tired, sort of like `power-save' on a computer. Then realised I could no longer get `stuck' at the apathy level (since achieving Clear/OT years ago) although I used it when convenient/necessary but had not recognised it since apathy was considered `bad '.

Did more apathy as it was going so well. Realised I was `running-out' some apathy to do with a current situation and some past situations in life. Realised its relationship to sleep, and a lot of other things - it's a withdrawal of anchor points, etc. Then realised its role in meditation/hypnosis/relaxation, and that it was `up' for some people, `down' for others. Feeling quite happy about my apathy so went on to the next emotion.

The first thing I noticed about grief was its effect on my breathing, and I notieced some mechanism/link to the eyes, throat and chest area. I then recalled grief from some childhood traumas, deaths of friends, etc. This produced a lot of yawning, after which I felt much better. Then I became aware of how I was creating the emotion and realised how we `enjoy' sad movies/songs as it purges our own grief. Then some more grief and apathy was restimulated and `ran out' and I had to leave it there.

Thursday 12/11/98

R - Started the day with some more grief as it wasn't quite finished yesterday. Had a few more cognitions then finally realised I can actually enjoy the emotion and that life is actually enriched by its existence! I know the Pilot says `Spot things while feeling the emotion until you feel good about it' but I would never have expected to feel good about grief. All I can say is `Good Grief!'

With fear I realised there was a world of difference between assuming it and being effect of it, for example if it is generated by an entity. Also saw that fear tends to pull-in/attract attacks; it's effect but it causes attacks?! Some fear `ran out' from incidents arising from years ago, especially doing martial arts. Also recognised a mechanism where someone (possibly unknowingly) starts a game (eg a covertly hostile remark) which upsets another who then gets angry so the perpetrator retreats down to fear. Realised I was no longer effect of such games.

Covert hostility was interesting. I saw it was more common than I'd thought, often called playing/teasing/joking/stirring and used to start a game/communication. Fun if you're winning but devastating for a person already too much effect in life. I spotted a time I'd learned to hide the fact I'd caused something so as to avoid punishment, and a time I lied so as to make another wrong. That was an act of covert hostility which I've regretted most of this life. I saw how we can do something (at Action) or postulate something (at Postulates) then dive down the tone scale to experience/feel the effects we've created.

Friday 13/11/98

R - Continued covert hostility (process 10.6) realising I had a fear of consequences associated with it. I saw that it sees others as targets/victims. I saw I often feel/use it with people who have let me down. Being angry with them would upset them, and too tough/high for them if they're at hopeless/useless. Realised it was a harmonic of failure, one reverts to it after failing to do/control something. So now I understand how failed artists (LRH's reference?) can become covertly hostile critics. Also saw blame as a harmonic of covert hostility. Of course the optimum solution to all this is to renew/persist with one's purpose and not agree with failure. I knew `tiredness' was the result of failed purpose, but now I saw that `chronic fatigue syndrome' had the same cause. One descends down the tone scale becoming more and more solid/slower and meeting more and more resistance/opposition from the physical universe.

Being angry led to a lot of realisations of the truth of things written by LRH such as anger is a `stop', etc. I stopped creating this emotion when other people around me became angry and started shouting at each other.

Antagonistic produced realisations that it equals challenge, barristers use it in courts when cross-examining witnesses, security and police personnel tend to use it (too much) producing altercations with citizens, and of course any two groups can be antagonistic to each other, such as Christians and Muslims, Yankees and Giants, etc

Boring was difficult to do because doing any self processing is so interesting! However I noticed the tone of the whole room become lighter as I moved up this emotional scale. Discovered a number of things about boring including how deceptively effective/powerful this emotion actually can be when used to control others and situations! I had thought it was a `neutral' emotion and therefore weak, but it is in fact deceptively powerful in it's ability to control other people at lower emotions and bring down people at higher levels.

Cheerful was nice and I recognised it as my usual social tone level (and my father's) when winning in life (most of the time in self clearing, jogging, swimming, work, social activity). Realised the promise of future be/do/have is what keeps me uptone in life whereas many humans are inevitably pulled down by each other and the MEST universe.

Decided to do postulates (higher up the scale) because I definitely wanted more control over this level and it's always intrigued me. Again experienced lots of realisations. Saw how this level pertains to games which is just below it. Understood better the difference between players, pieces, and broken pieces relate to games.

Monday 16/11/98

R - Postulates continued to produce lots of interesting data so I kept going with it. Then I came to the fantastic realisation (for me) of why this was on the (emotional) tone scale! You know, twenty-odd years of scn hadn't revealed this to me. Of course I knew the datum that a thetan can be anything. But a I thought a postulate was something to have, not something to be. So here I actually experienced being at the level of postulates and realised how easily one can identify with a postulate, such as `I'm a smoker' and then never being able to unmock/as-is that postulate. As I write this and share/explain it to T I gain more knowingness and experience a profound sense of freedom from emotion/freedom to be anything I postulate.

I decided to do games next, though it's the next one down from postulates. As i write this I now see how one is immediately down into a game if one has made a postulate such as `I'm a smoker'. Because there exist non-smokers, and people like myself and T who are anti-smokers. Anyway, doing this level I saw my childhood as an accumulation of losses in the various games such as getting/winning a girlfriend, being the best pupil, as well as the usual games of cricket, football, etc. I'd give my right (thetan) arm to be back there now with what I know now! I saw how my be/do/have had been limited since babyhood and a lot of other things. I saw how I lost the willingness to play games and became a `broken piece'. I saw how I descended from action on the scale down to my dad's cheerful. I see there exist the games of `getting a job', of `buying a house', of `annoying one's brother', of `letting someone else answer the phone', of `pretending not to hear the first time', of `being too sick to go to work', of `I'm not playing games - I'm serious', etc. I see that clearing techniques restore ability to once again experience existence at the level of games (and beyond). I see that anyone who says life is not a game is simply not able to see/reach/understand this level of the scale. They are actually not-ising games and have become a broken piece.

At this point I suddenly postulated/created a technology of how to achieve, and called it CAUSEology, with CAUSE as an acronym: Commit (to your goal) - Ask (for it) - Unite (with it) - Savour (enjoy it) - End (acknowledge your achievement and decide what you want next). This led to further clearing up of this area of the tone scale and how it related to cause and effect. I actually had an identification of cause with effect, a crashing misunderstood on cause. Then I realised that serenity is in fact cause - by default! Certainly if one is not opposing things occurring then one is allowing them to occur. Which I realised was up to `contribute to' on the Havingness scale. But I couldn't get that it was cause so I persisted with serenity, noticing how calm the people were becoming around me. I saw that serenity would be accepting everything currently created - the bad and the good. Then I realised one's cup is always half full at this level, not half empty. For example yes, this criminal is `bad' but at least he didn't kill anybody, or yes, he killed three people but now he is in police custody. In fact I went on to extend the half-full analogy. At serenity one's cup can appear to be empty (no Mercedes, no house, no job, no legs, whatever) but in fact one knows it is always full. It is more than all just all that is - it is all possible things, which adds infinity to even that. That's what I didn't understand before. I assumed serenity was equal to all that existed, which of course is a finite state. Whereas it's the infinity of all possible beingnesses (which opens the door to all possible doingnesses/havingnesses). Mmm, `Thus open the gates of heaven...' as the Zen story went. Therefore I was not-ising/limiting the greater part of my own Beingness. I also realised the `magic' of childhood was a manifestation of serenity, the expectancy/belief that anything (infinite possibility) could happen, like at Christmas or being with a special friend or relative.

Tuesday 17/11/98

R - Continued 10.6 The Emotional Scale - getting great mileage out of this! I saw that serenity was hard to have/be as one compulsively postulates things and plays the games of life. Had a bunch of further realisations and discovered serenity must also be the ability to have/not have. This led to the astounding realisation that my chronic problem with havingness was actually a problem with not havingness! I decided this was a good time to end off doing the emotions and I created a process to solve my not havingness problem.

Wednesday 18/11/98

What are you able to not have?
(A self created process)

R - Purchasing a house recently it became obvious I needed to address the subject of (my) Havingness. I've had a problem with this for many years, ever since a Scn (public) OT said `You have a problem with havingness, don't you!' I clearly recall feeling very upset/frustrated when this was said but powerless to resolve it at that time.

Now, thanks to skills developed doing this self clearing I can identify exactly what my problem actually was (and still is). Furthermore I am able to create a process to address that very problem. A vital clue came from one of LRH's phrases `...the ability to have or not have at will...'. And then when T pointed out that I was more willing to accept a substandard property than one in good condition I saw the pattern throughout my life. Well, then it became obvious that my problem was actually with the ability to not have - that's where the charge was! I was unable to not have substandard houses we were inspecting, and I had `always been that way'. When it looked like we were going to be stuck with a `lemon' I knew I had to do something NOW.

I knew one had to process towards an ability, so it became obvious the process should be `What are you able to not have?'. Well, my answers filled five pages and I discovered the following -
1. Days, weeks, etc are periods of duration separating occurrences of Havingness
2. A mental image picture is a substitute (see
Havingness scale) for a thing when one can't have that thing
3. Therefore any mental picture is a `can't have'
4. Which is a safety mechanism to prevent one from experiencing complete loss (Any have is better than a no have and a picture is better than nothing)
5. Real ability to
not have would be ability to uncreate/as-is/destroy/vanish something completely
6. ARC with something makes it difficult to not have it
7. It's easier to not have/vanish something from one's own space/universe knowing it's still held in place by the agreement/s of others

Thursday 19/11/98

R - Continued What are you able to not have with following realisations -

1. Monkeys (we used to have one) are more tactile than us because we rely more on words for communication
2. Words make/unmake agreements/realities which causes change/shifting of havingness
3. Childhood is training in what one can't have. (That's how mine seems after running this process)
4. A
can't have tends to create a must have (Try telling a kid he can't have an ice cream or he mustn't touch something!) (Or the rapist's belief/assertion that `no' means `yes') (Or the increase in smoking as the labels/cautions (`Smoking Kills', `Smoking Causes Lung Cancer', etc) get stronger)
5. Power would be ability to say no to anything (Christians ask for God's help to do this - `Lead us not into temptation')

At this point I regained (I've experienced/felt/used it before but not recognized it) the
ability to not have something/anything at will. I wrote `Boy, it does feel powerful!'. As I type this I see that this is because by not having to have something one is free to maintain one's position in space, which conforms of course to Definition 2 of Power in the Technical Dictionary. This also resolved my crashing misunderstood idea that Power was only the ability to have stuff. And I recall a Baba Ram Dass (Richard Alpert - Be Here Now) quote `When you can give it all away you can have it all'. And this (according to the Bible) is what Jesus during his 40 days in the desert was able to do when tempted by the Devil.

Further realisations included -
1. `Enlightened' could be seen as `less burdened' which would be the ability to
not have things/mest
2. Siva (The `Destroyer' of the Hindu trinity of gods) represents the ability to not have/destroy/as-is
3. One needs ability to not have anything (lies, problems, ARC, etc as well as matter, energy, space, time)
4. Blew the identification that want/desire = can't have. I'd had this since childhood because (almost) everything I'd wanted/asked for I was told I couldn't have, and of course I resisted/fought this like crazy.

I was then able to not have a house we had paid hundreds of dollars to have inspected and had actually decided to buy. When we saw the problems revealed in the inspection report T and I were able to see the money as well spent rather than a loss, and were able to tell the agent we had changed our minds about that property. After looking at further houses we were able to have one of a far better standard, i.e. not flood prone or an asbestos hazard, etc.

Tuesday 24/11/98

Summary of Chapter 10 - The Duplication Factor

R - It might seem obvious to you, dear reader, but I've only just now realised that our `summary' at the end of each chapter should in fact pertain to the subject of the chapter! It should reflect a DUPLICATION of the content of the chapter. I now see that some of my summaries may have been non-sequitur and feel rather stupid about it. However, I can attribute my newfound knowledge to an increase in the ability to duplicate, which is the subject of this chapter.

A major ability I've DUPLICATED from self clearing is the ability to actually create clearing processes. Of course Create is at the TOP of the Havingness Scale. While others waste Self Clearing we were able to Have it and Contribute To it with this diary and be Responsible For it until arriving at Create.

Creating processes is a skill of no small genius. Without it, clearing cannot occur. CoS continues to make Hubbard `source' and the `only one' with this ability. I am extremely grateful to The Pilot for the increased freedom this ability provides. The chronic scarcity of processing I endured for years in the CofS was replaced by abundance when I first stumbled into the free zone on the internet two years ago. I thought THAT was the ultimate but it was only a new beginning. This ability puts one at Cause even over that.

However, why waste the distilled wisdom of those with more experience? I only stand on the shoulders of others, and there is the principle of flowing power to power. My purpose is to help the greatest number and the Pilot seems to be doing that.

The article Sourceness by Curt Daniel Ducker (IVy magazine #39, November '98) talks about the sense of Freedom I am experiencing, and includes this scale:

Case Supervisor

He goes on to say: `Ron didn't write the last words on things. He opened doors and wrote introductions. It is up to you to discover and apply truths and refinements' and `Freedom is really off the scale. You can prime the pump and grant yourself freedom and sourceness to get your main act up and off the scale.'

Here is an extract from an email sent by T to a colleague recently:

`My life turned around when I met R. He tried to introduce me to all sorts of clearing processes, which I successfully rejected for the first few years. For the last year I have been doing self-clearing. The easiest way for me to explain how it has affected me is to tell you the skills I have picked up. I can now swim. I can now play piano. I can now juggle. I have better communication and awareness skills. I still have day to day problems, but these are much easier to deal with. If you're willing to put some time and effort into bettering yourself, by whatever means, the results will follow.'

Sunday 29/11/98 - Post Script

R - This morning driving to the swimming pool I shared with T some further realisations about games. Then in the pool as I played my weekly game of `Look how good I am (especially at my age) doing twenty laps complete with racing turns' I realised how in fact every part of life and livingness was a game and even decided to make a list to show I'm not being glib about it. (Update 20/1/99 - okay, I haven't made the list yet so I maybe I was a bit glib).

After our swim, over coffee and cookies, I dived back down the tone scale to enthusiasm and we talked some more about games. T said she understood `piece' and `broken piece', but what was a `player'? What was the difference between a piece and a player? Up until then I had not known the difference either. Then suddenly I got the difference!

A player knows he is playing a game. It is a knowing games condition. A piece, for example, is someone in a game (possibly someone else's) which they don't know they are playing. For example, Jack plays the drug smuggling game. He is a player. He hides drugs in Jill's luggage. She knows nothing about this game but she is a necessary piece in Jack's game. (Such a role is even called `pawn' in recognition of its parallel to the game of chess). If Jill gets caught she can become a broken piece in the ensuing drama. But Jack is much harder to catch and can continue to play his game with other pieces. Great movies are made about pieces or pawns becoming master players. Cinderella is the classic game story of a pawn becoming a Queen.

R - UPDATE - JAN 2001 - Reading the above Post Script I'm thinking what has this `games' stuff got to do with the subject of this chapter of Duplication? Then I realised that doing this chapter had improved my Knowledge, Responsiblity and Control, abilities to play life's games.

(End Self Clearing Diary Ch 10)

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