About three years ago (when I was 20) I was getting quite 'in' to all this
>alternative stuff.  I was having regular out of body experiences and
>definitely knew I had started on a path to something.  I was questioning my
>life and what I had been led to believe all these years and I realised that
>everything might not be as it seemed.
>
>anyway at that time and age I was quite torn.  On one hand I had this new
>'purpose' to uncover the truth about existence and on the other I had
>drinking, clubbing having a fun life.
>
>One day I was laying there on my bed thinking to myself...infact I was
>having a full blown conversation with myself!!  As soon as I realised this I
>became a bit angry for some reason.
>
>"I am talking to myself!  I am mad!"  I thought.
>"Who am I talking to?" I asked
>"Yourself!" came the reply.
>
>I felt depressed and lonely because I realised that I had put alot of hope
>and trust into this 'unseen' side of life, but I couldn't shake the doubt.
>What about if it was all a big delusion of my mind?
>
>I was angry with myself for being so gullible, for believing I had a soul
>that lived forever, for believing I really did have out of body experienced
>and could talk to spirits.
>
>I wanted to stop talking to myself now, go out and enjoy my one single life
>before it was too late.... but for some reason I couldn't stop this
>'conversation' with myself!
>
>"If you can hear me then please just tell me what it's all about!" I shouted
>in my head.
>
>"Pleeeeeeeeasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"  I just wanted something to
>happen, an angel or ghost to appear anything! I just wanted to feel that
>there was a purpose, that I wasn't 'deluding' myself.
>
>Nothing happened.
>
>I got sad but finally admitted. This was it. This is all life is. Better get
>on with it.... I tried to move - but I couldn't!!
>
>I was paralysed, I had somehow slipped into a trance, yet I was totally
>conscious.  Unlike when this happens before, this time I couldn't get out of
>it.
>
>"Whats going on?"  I asked in my mind again
>"You wanted to know what it's all about" came the thought back...
>
>Bang!
>All of a sudden I woke up.
>Very strange I thought and sat up.  What ever happened?
>
>Bang!
>I woke up again!
>Still lying in my bed!  Wow, I thought I woke up but I didn't!  Weird.
>
>Bang!
>I woke once more. This is getting freaky I thought!
>
>Bang!
>Awake!
>
>Bang..........Bang........Bang.....bang.....Bang..Bang.Bang.BanBanBaBBBBB...
>
>These 'false awakenings' got faster and faster and faster until they were
>producing a constant stream.  There was 'No-Time' between these false
>wakings.
>
>at that point something amazing happened.
>
>I realised I was not Dale.  I was something, else, something greater.
>It hit me like a ton of bricks. I REMEMBERED who I was.  I was pure
>consciousness, I was ALL THAT EXISTED.  I was NOTHINGNESS! I was GOD! God
>was me! The loneliness came flooding back to me, I was totally ALONE!  I was
>in the most infinitely great pain that you could (not) imagine.   In fact
>even Pain was ME!  (Note: this was the worst experience ever, pure
>loneliness, pure mind-pain)  I desired with all my heart to be away from
>this loneliness...
>
>Then Bang!
>
>I woke up again.... a few moments went past, I could move... yes I had
>really woken up.
>
>The horrible experience was still over-welming me.  I could feel tears of
>sadness rolling down my face.  Then the next realisation hit me!  I now had
>a life! I was still this 'pure consciousness / God'  but out of my
>loneliness I had created life out of myself and now (as Dale) I was
>experienceing it - actually living it!  Through Me (being God) I had chosen
>life.  Positive from negative, light from darkness, everything from
>nothingness.  Everything made sense!  I was so happy!  The tears were now
>tears of joy!  I was not alone anymore!  I thanked God again and again for
>creating us, knowing that I was as much him (her/it whatever) as he was me!
>
>No wonder he loves us because he is us!  No wonder we should love each other
>because we are all parts of the same one consciousness!
>
>Everything was perfect! For the first time it all made sense.  I suddenly
>went from not believing in a 'God' to believing 100% and understanding him
>as well.  All those kids who think he is a old man with a white beard who
>sits on a cloud !!
>
>I also realised existence was made instantaneously and there is no thing as
>time.  We live in that one moment where he chose life.  It will last for
>eternity because he never wants to experience the pain again.
--Dale Askew, 23 years old, from Norwich, England